1. Thank you My Sweet Reality and others for suggesting the awesome reckless legs syndrome remedy! Of course you know I (of all people) would LOVE something as crazy as shoving a bar of soap under my sheets. For some odd reason, since I wrote about it I haven’t once had any problems with the crazy legs, but I might just stick a bar of soap under the sheet anyway, because really, why not?!?
2. I was planning on apologizing for my last post, trying to find an adequate excuse for the graphic nature of it and begging your forgiveness for blogging about such things. Such things as the hanging beef jerky comment which probably was not necessary.
BUT!
Over the weekend I had some alarming revelations, it was like a voice from above. If Borat and Dr. 90210 can be considered ‘voices from above’ and in my book they can.
First, I was flipping through the channels and Borat was on cable, so of course I had to catch a few minutes of it. Sadly for me, the part I happened upon was when Borat is talking about his wife, who after three years of marriage just isn’t the SAME. You know. DOWN THERE.
"Her a va-gene hangsa down like a Wizard’s sleeve" was the way he put it.
I almost asphyxiated myself laughing so hard and then I thought, "Wait a frigging minute here — MY vagene is hanging down much like a Wizard’s sleeve" and all of a sudden, it wasn’t so funny.
And then, the very day I was again flipping through the channels I happened upon the reality show Dr. 90210, where Beverly Hills plastic surgeons perform a wide array of procedures on patients willing to talk about the before and after.
And take a little guessy at what the woman was having done…
Some kind of labia lift or labia plasty (and something else to her clitoral hood but I swear I won’t talk about that!). But plastic surgery to improve the appearance of her labia?!? And she’s not even a porn star where that kind of thing might be really important for your earning potential!
Now this one-two punch really floored me and so I’m coming to you with a question: Will my lady parts look at least SOMEWHAT normal after these kids are jettisoned, one way or another. Will my nether regions look anything like they did before I got pregnant or am I doomed? I have to know, I really do. I want to book my labia lift now, since I imagine the waiting list is months long.
3. 32 weeks and 4 days today. Big as a house. Big as a BIG house, to be specific. My last scan went well, Jax is just over 4 lbs. and Parker is just under, he was head down but she was breech. And the NST this week also looked good, but I have to say all of my twin-pregnant friends (IRL and in Blogland) seem to be dropping like flies — everyone is on bed rest and it’s making me a tad nervous, people!
4. And finally, a close friend of our family passed away last weekend. I wasn’t too sad, personally, because he was like 110 years old (depending on who you asked) and very sick. But Rest In Peace Whirley Gig Joe, rest in peace. May your crazy dowsing rods show you the most direct route to heaven.
OMG, a labia lift?! I seriously have to get cable.
Thanks for your kind wishes on my blog. I really appreciate it!
Yes, your lady bits will return to a more normal state. I was pissing myself laughing at that last post because I noticed I have the hanging beef jerky going on as well and I am only 28 weeks, with ONE!! You must be influencing me, so thanks alot. 😉
Things, down there, were normal a few weeks after my watermelon headed son was born the old fashion way. It took a bit for everything to remember where it originally was located but then memory returned and they all made it back home. 😉
Good luck and maybe you will be the lucky twin pregnancy not to have bed rest until the little beasts appear. Wishing you all the best and I am sure you do not look like either Fat Bastard or Jiminy Glick.
I don’t really know what to tell you about things returning to normal, but I would assume they do because people that are fertile have more than one baby and if it were really that bad, think they would be getting any?
I hope you get a chance to try the soap trick. Every once in a while, I forget they are under my sheet and I wonder WTF is the hard thing in my bed. And I know it isn’t Mr. Wonderful. 🙂
Keep hanging in there, you will be to the other side soon.
I’m so not looking at mine now to see what they’re up to.
*giggle* at labia lift
my reality-you are funny…LOVE the theory.
watson-yes, your last post…i cannot get the idea of them hanging like monkeys….
glad jax ans parker are doing great. i really hope you don’t have to do bed rest either! i would hate that, really.
too bad about the friend, how will anyone make decisions now!?!?!?
love to you and your unkempt lady parts.
One thing you know for sure: if your girlie bits are not satisfactory after this foray into pregnancy, Dr. 90210 has certainly exhibited that at least there is something you can do about!
Also, really: how big is this house that you are as big as? Is it for sale?
Hang in there Watson, to me you sound just great.
The hooch shrinks back down, I promise. PROMISE. You will not spend your life looking like butterflied lamb chops, they do de-shrinkify. I worried about the same thing. I didn’t have camel toe so much as camel-freaking-foot. But it passes, promise.
Have been MIA but I’m back to reading your blog and writing in mine.
Glad you are well and I always get a great laugh from your adventures.
~Deb
Ok, labiaplasty and all that is just plain wrong!!!
I don’t know much about the va-gene after childbirth, but I am sure you will be fine. No nips or tucks down there, please!
You always make me laugh!!
According to those I have spoke to about the matter…the va-jay-jay often DOES go back to normal.
I hope you don’t have to go on bedrest!! Keep on keepin on! 🙂
Erm, had to read others comments and what a larf and Reality, your are a scream too X
I believe all does indeed settle back to normal but I honestly don’t remember anything changing down there at all or maybe as long as it still functions afterwards that’s all that matters 😉 I can say that my orgasms and general sexual sensations where much, much stronger after, one compensation if it helps ma’am (wink, wink, nudge, nudge!)
XXX
Why is it that the whole time I read this post I kept imagining your kids 15 years from now googling for some naughty photos and getting linked to your post about your girlie bits – how hysterical would that be?!?!
thanks for asking the questions and to the one person who said yes, they will return home. is it just me though or were you also hoping for a little more reassurance?
Ok, I’ll admit that your last post really freaked me out. I had no idea. Then I started reading The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy and it pretty much confirmed what you said in addition to other things and now I am totally freaked out. The book doesn’t say whether or not it goes back to normal but it sounds like it does from some of the other posts. Why doesn’t anyone tell you this shit before hand. My mom decided to tell me yesterday that she got a hematoma in her labia during delivery of me! I’ve never heard that story but now that I am on a one-way road (thank you universe) she decides to tell me her horror stories! WTF!!!
Anyway, I’m glad to hear things are going well otherwise.
hah! not sure if flippy flaps go back to normal…. good question! I had a c-section and, thankfully, all parts remained as they were. There’s the upside to major abdominal surgery. 🙂
I have not read your blogs in ages, and some other commenters might have already suggested it, but bananas and milk work wonders for RLS and cramps. I hope this helps!
Wat-son….what is up??