Okay people, my morning has NOT gotten off to a great start.

I woke up v. v. late because I managed to wrench my back somehow last weekend and by Friday night it was KILLING me.  I decided that just what the dr. would have ordered, had I called one, would be a couple glasses of wine and a Tylenol PM.  Or two. 

Fast forward like twelve hours later and I’m a groggy mess, wondering what day it is, why my hair is all matted to my forehead and WHY IN THE FRAKKIN’ HELL is the dog licking my arm with a look in his eyes that says  remember the story of the French lady who supposedly accidentally overdosed on WINE and SLEEPING PILLS and fell into such a deep sleep her dog ATE her FACE??  Remember??  Her dog was only trying to help, to make sure she was okay…chomp, chomp, chomp.  Mmmmmm….owner’s face. Yummy.

Once I finally roused myself from my slumber and wiped the dog saliva off my arm, I decided I had to start boiling the evil herbs from my new acupuncturist.  Good Lord.  They are even more disgusting than I remember.  It is seriously a brown paper bag filled with all kinds of dried berries, twigs, and completely unidentifiable objects — animal?  Vegetable?  Mineral?  I have no clue!  There is a brown object in there that looks, I swear, like something from an alien autopsy.

And the Smell.  Sweet Jesus the SMELL.

You have to boil them twice, and the whole process takes about two hours.  Like I have two hours to spend boiling up a witch’s brew of lord knows what and then drink it. I am gagging just thinking of the drinking part.  Wish me luck, I will need it.

In other news:

My new BFF has joined the wonderful world of blogging, so grab a house warming present and head on over to Bitsy (aka Zee)’s new place in the blogosphere.

Off to gag on/choke down/curse my husband for not having to deal with this  delicately sip my tea.

Since we don’t have kids to distract us, nor are we pregnant or have a plan in place to GET us pregnant, this is the kind of drivel that occupies our minds:

BeBop:  If a seeing eye dog was going blind, what kind of seeing eye animal would he have?

Me:  Is this a riddle?

Him:  No, seriously.  Would he have like a seeing eye squirrel leading him around while he led a blind person around?

Me:  I don’t think so, no.  Think about the dog-human relationship. What’s the equivalent of a loyal dog to a dog?  Maybe a bunny rabbit…or a beaver.

Him:  {Scratching of head} Hmmmmmmmmm….

OR

The following e-mail from BeBop this morning, with the subject heading of:

You Should Never Doubt Me

Him:  Hey remember when I told you that Anthony Michael Hall’s character in Sixteen Candles was named Farmer Ted? And you didn’t believe me??  Well I looked it up on IMDB.com and guess what sucka…

Sixteen Candles (1984) …. Farmer Ted, ‘The Geek’

How does it feel?  Huh??

Me:  I can barely remember that conversation because it was SO inane. YOU are inane.  And only a total geek would know that or care.  AND that’s NOT EVEN A REAL NAME.  Who even says that in the movie?

Him:  Actually if I’m not mistaken (and I’m not) he refers to himself as ‘Farmer Ted’ at least two different times! 

Me:  What, his first name is ‘Farmer’ and his last name is ‘Ted’?  That’s ridiculous.

Him:  Suck it!!

Yes. We are a paragon of maturity. 

GAWD.