I didn’t have to get an ultrasound yesterday when I went to see Dr. Z. YAY! 

(And I know you’ve just been sitting around, getting a repetitive stress injury hitting refresh, refresh, REFRESH just waiting for an answer to that age-old question:  Did Watson’s hoo-ha make an appearance on The Crotch Cam Show recently??  I know you were.)

But since I got my period a couple of days after taking my last BCP, my Cha Cha found herself fully clothed and protected from the evil PROBE.  YAY!

And my Estradiol came back at 17. YAY!  I am cleared to start the Bravelle and Menopur tonight, and lower the Lupron dose.  YAY!

But, I have had the headache from HELL since Saturday night.  BOO!  I felt so bad yesterday, I was in tears and made BeBop take a day off work to drive me to the doctor’s office, because I felt like absolute crap.  BOO!

(I think it’s stopping the BCPs, getting my period and having such a low estrogen level causing this migraine, and I will continue to think that because it means I should start feeling better asap. The alternative, that my migraine is caused by the injectible medications, just doesn’t work for me. For that would mean I might have this headache for the foreseeable future and that just doesn’t cut it for me, you dig?)

I started to feel better this morning. Until I took  my first dose of the Medrol, which is a corticosteroid.  I am currently shaking like I’ve had fourteen frillion cups of coffee and have taken on the unfortunate appearance of a small, hairless Chihuahua, all quivery and anxious.  BOO!  (Plus the barking is really bothering my co-workers, but what can you do?)

So, anyway, as far as an update, here you go:  I start the Medrol, the anti-biotics and the stims today.  I am like a little old lady, with prescription drugs coming out of my ass.  I need one of those pill cases that beeps every hour to remind me to take all these frigging pills. 

I have my thyroid, Folgard and Omega-3s in the morning, along with the Medrol.  And also the anti-biotics but not with these other meds and not with dairy but preferably with food.  And then in evening, another dose of the anti-biotics (but again on its own) plus my pre-natal, my Metformin and baby aspirin.  And I’m also taking pro-biotics to stave off any ill effects of the anti-biotics.  In case you’re keeping track.  And by GOD, why wouldn’t you be keeping track of this fascinating series of events?!?

In other news:

Just to make myself crazy (HA!  Like that’s a long trip!!) I broke
my no-Googling mandate and did a little looksy on Lupron, the substance
I am injecting directly into my fatty tissue each night.

I found a HI-LARIOUS article about the use of Lupron in avian medicine. YES!  You read that right…BIRDS!  Those feathered creatures with wings and beaks who fly around and sometimes crap on our newly-washed cars!

According to this article, people (and I’m assuming trained people of some sort, not just random infertiles who run from their homes, needles in hand, jabbing at the local bird population residing in their trees because that would be really disturbing…) use Lupron on birds for a variety of reasons.  Reasons including "chronic egg laying (usually seen in cockatiels, just FYI)
to feather destruction to behavioral issues such as biting and
aggressive behavior."

How’s that for irony?  Those damn birds get Lupron for chronic egg laying and we have to take it for the exact opposite reason.

Also?  I think it’s funny that the birds get treated by Lupron for feather destruction and biting and aggressive behavior, because I personally think the drug has CAUSED these side effects in me! (And sadly, I think BeBop would whole-heartedly agree!)

I also learned that in the avian world,  behaviors
such as aggression, regurgitation and inappropriate sexual activities
demonstrated improvement with Lupron…

Hmmmm…I don’t quite know what to make of that.  Again, I feel like the Lupron might be causing these side effects in me.  The aggression is just worse than usual, I simply cannot go into details about the inappropriate sexual activities here and BeBop would surely agree that lately, my regurgitation problem has gotten worse.  It’s really a nightmare to go out to dinner with me, I’ll tell you that.

Our feathered friends also seem to have it easier in the side effects department: The main side effect that has
been reported, states this article, is "mild, brief facial skin flushing in a Scarlet macaw."

Oh poor little Scarlet macaw, waaahhhh…cry, baby, cry!  Over a little skin flushing. 

Bird, PLEASE! 

I’m the one dealing with the migraine, the aggressive biting, the lack of egg laying and let us not forget the regurgitation issue.  I can’t wait to see what the next set of meds brings me.

Wish me luck?

My first Lupron shot was Sunday.

And honestly, it was fine. 

Was I nervous?  Yes. 

Did BeBop’s hovering and re-reading the instructions fifty million times make me want to jab HIM with the needle?  Yes. 

IN THE EYE?  Why, yes.  How did you know?

Did his recent and ill-timed tendency to constantly quote Borat ("nysseeee" and "high fyyyve" while extending his stupid palm into the air) make me REALLY want to jab him in the ear canal with a nearby chopstick?  Hell-to-the-yes.  And also?  Snark back at him, "late 2006 called and THEY WANT THEIR STUPID MOVIE BACK!"

But overall, it wasn’t too bad.

Except when I shouted at him, "Don’t look at my belly!"

"But I see your belly all the time," he responded.

"BUT NOT LIKE THIS," I screamed, becoming unhinged.  I mean, I was standing up, people.  With, like, gravity and shit.  Working against me, if you know what I mean. And I was pinching a giant area of said belly to prepare for the shot and it was, well…just, unappealing. 

It was a very bad angle.  And the light was just not flattering. [And there goes that so-called improvement with body image issues I bragged about in the last post!]

It totally reminded me of that ‘Seinfeld’ episode where Jerry muses over good naked vs. ugly naked.

You know the one?  Where he talks about how naked hair brushing is good; naked crouching,
bad.  Naked pickle-jar opening?  Very bad.  ("I’ve seen too much!")

And at the end of the episode he tries to show his nudist freak girlfriend what he means, by waxing his floors in the nude, or something?  That one totally cracks me up.

But back to ME.  I was suddenly very self conscious about the Naked Ugly and made BeBop immediately stop staring at my belly.

But other than all that, it was fine…

                                                         
                                                                     ***    ***    ***

Remember how I said I just wasn’t up to doing hours and hours of research on this whole IVF deal? 

REMEMBER?!??

Well, for the most part, that’s true.  I decided to ban myself from worshiping at the alter of  Google and just follow my doctor’s instructions and focus on a positive outcome, without scaring the bejeezus out of myself.  I was determined not to worry  myself into a hypochondriacal frenzy or obsess over all the various not-so-happy outcomes and the possible side effects of all these medications I am ingesting and injecting at an increasingly alarming rate.

But as you know, the statement ‘for the most part’ indicates to the careful reader that there have been exceptions to this rule.

"I THINK I’M HAVING A STROKE!" I screamed into BeBop’s ear yesterday when he called me at work.

"Wha?  You are not having a stroke.  What the hell are you talking about?"

"I swear I feel a numbness all down the right side of my body!!"

[Crickets]

"I SWEAR," I continued breathlessly. "I woke up and felt numb on the right side, going down my leg.  And then?  Then earlier in the bathroom I swear it looked like the right side of my mouth is frowning.  WITHOUT ME MAKING IT DO THAT!"

"Everyone gets that," he tried to reassure me.  "It’s like your body falls asleep and then you wake up."

When the FRICK did HE go to medical school? I wondered, totally unimpressed with his over-the-phone diagnosis.

"EVERYONE GETS THAT?" I yelled, totally unconvinced. "Yeah, people who end up on ventilators and in wheelchairs with attendants who accidentally leave them out in the sun for entire afternoons."

"SIGH. I’m sure you’re fine.  Just relax and I’m sure you’ll feel better soon," he said.  Like these sorts of histrionics are just routine when you’re married to me.

(Which, to be fair, THEY ARE.)

I just kept thinking of the birth control pills I’ve been taking and the risk of stroke or some kind of blood clot and how I really, really would not want to be confined to a wheelchair and possibly left out in the sun for an entire afternoon. 

That just did not sound like fun AT ALL.

By this morning, I was actually feeling much better.  Stroke and/or life-threatening blood clot averted.

PHEW.

Now I can go on to enjoy my weekend.

And I hope you all do the same.