I swear to CHRIST you better look at  that camera and smile or I will squeeze the very life from you!       

Hmmmmmm…I finally have some hair and they insist in sticking this totally stupid-looking bow thing on my head.  What trouble can I get into to punish them?

If I close my eyes and wish hard enough I will devise the perfect plan to aggravate and terrify my Mommy while also inflicting some kind of pain on my brother. Mwah hah hah….

No photos please, I refuse to sign a release…give me that camera you damn paparazzo!

I could eat fresh strawberries and bask in the sunlight streaming in through the window all day long, until, that is, my sister sneaks up behind me and bashes me in the head with some heavy object, scratches me with her freakishly long nails, runs over my feet with her push cart or ALL of the above! 

(All Mommas out there, HOLLAH.  Have you, like, been here a million times or what??)

OHJESUSCHRIST just forget the goddamn photo and get me a glass of Sangria already!

JESUS CHRIST I've missed you people!

I have to be honest, I never intended that suck-ass excuse for a post I wrote in February to be my last.

I swear!

I was going to be all, oh waaaa, I can't be a Mommy blogger, no time, blah blah blah (which I did) and then you would be all, No! We can tolerate your crazy stories and often eye-searingly poor grammar (which you did) and I'd be all, OH SHUCKS, okay. I'll keep writing!  (Which I did not.)

Holy fuck where does the time go?

Who's out there?  Has everyone deserted me to log on to Twitter and Facebook all day? 

Don't you want to hear how I cut my hair off? (Not, like, ALL of it.  I just decided to opt for the Mom Bob.)

What about the fact that BeBop STILL hasn't found a job?  And now I have to distinguish him (the au pair I'm married to) from the au pair we hired to move in with us and watch the twins? OH!  I now have an au pair!

How about updates from the Wild and Crazy World of Jackson and Parker? Huh?

WHAT ABOUT THE BABIES?  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PEOPLE. Don't you care ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!?!?

Hello?  Is this thing on?