My first Lupron shot was Sunday.
And honestly, it was fine.
Was I nervous? Yes.
Did BeBop’s hovering and re-reading the instructions fifty million times make me want to jab HIM with the needle? Yes.
IN THE EYE? Why, yes. How did you know?
Did his recent and ill-timed tendency to constantly quote Borat ("nysseeee" and "high fyyyve" while extending his stupid palm into the air) make me REALLY want to jab him in the ear canal with a nearby chopstick? Hell-to-the-yes. And also? Snark back at him, "late 2006 called and THEY WANT THEIR STUPID MOVIE BACK!"
But overall, it wasn’t too bad.
Except when I shouted at him, "Don’t look at my belly!"
"But I see your belly all the time," he responded.
"BUT NOT LIKE THIS," I screamed, becoming unhinged. I mean, I was standing up, people. With, like, gravity and shit. Working against me, if you know what I mean. And I was pinching a giant area of said belly to prepare for the shot and it was, well…just, unappealing.
It was a very bad angle. And the light was just not flattering. [And there goes that so-called improvement with body image issues I bragged about in the last post!]
It totally reminded me of that ‘Seinfeld’ episode where Jerry muses over good naked vs. ugly naked.
You know the one? Where he talks about how naked hair brushing is good; naked crouching,
bad. Naked pickle-jar opening? Very bad. ("I’ve seen too much!")
And at the end of the episode he tries to show his nudist freak girlfriend what he means, by waxing his floors in the nude, or something? That one totally cracks me up.
But back to ME. I was suddenly very self conscious about the Naked Ugly and made BeBop immediately stop staring at my belly.
But other than all that, it was fine…
*** *** ***
Remember how I said I just wasn’t up to doing hours and hours of research on this whole IVF deal?
Well, for the most part, that’s true. I decided to ban myself from worshiping at the alter of Google and just follow my doctor’s instructions and focus on a positive outcome, without scaring the bejeezus out of myself. I was determined not to worry myself into a hypochondriacal frenzy or obsess over all the various not-so-happy outcomes and the possible side effects of all these medications I am ingesting and injecting at an increasingly alarming rate.
But as you know, the statement ‘for the most part’ indicates to the careful reader that there have been exceptions to this rule.
"I THINK I’M HAVING A STROKE!" I screamed into BeBop’s ear yesterday when he called me at work.
"Wha? You are not having a stroke. What the hell are you talking about?"
"I swear I feel a numbness all down the right side of my body!!"
[Crickets]
"I SWEAR," I continued breathlessly. "I woke up and felt numb on the right side, going down my leg. And then? Then earlier in the bathroom I swear it looked like the right side of my mouth is frowning. WITHOUT ME MAKING IT DO THAT!"
"Everyone gets that," he tried to reassure me. "It’s like your body falls asleep and then you wake up."
When the FRICK did HE go to medical school? I wondered, totally unimpressed with his over-the-phone diagnosis.
"EVERYONE GETS THAT?" I yelled, totally unconvinced. "Yeah, people who end up on ventilators and in wheelchairs with attendants who accidentally leave them out in the sun for entire afternoons."
"SIGH. I’m sure you’re fine. Just relax and I’m sure you’ll feel better soon," he said. Like these sorts of histrionics are just routine when you’re married to me.
(Which, to be fair, THEY ARE.)
I just kept thinking of the birth control pills I’ve been taking and the risk of stroke or some kind of blood clot and how I really, really would not want to be confined to a wheelchair and possibly left out in the sun for an entire afternoon.
That just did not sound like fun AT ALL.
By this morning, I was actually feeling much better. Stroke and/or life-threatening blood clot averted.
PHEW.
Now I can go on to enjoy my weekend.
And I hope you all do the same.
Ha! I’m actually forwarding this to the husband. You crack me up!
Glad the stroke was averted. By the way, that is my husband’s grandmother’s favourite saying: “and that is no fun at all.” We love to add it to the end of every description of a crisis.
If my husband must be in the room while I am giving myself a shot, the rule is that he must grab a handful of his own stomach fat and hold it for the duration of the injection. That’s the rule. And I stick by it.
Mel,
‘And I STICK by it’ — BAH DA BUM!!
I cannot quit the Google, it owns me. Good luck going cold turkey, my friend. You’re a saner woman than I am.
What you need is a shot-time distraction. Next time, just as you are standing there poised with needle in hand, **accidentally** knock over your Sharps container, raining used needles down over Be-Bops bare feet. By the time he’s collected his wits you’ll have taken your shot, covered up, and avoided any possible belly fat scrutiny. Easy peasy!
what…. there is bad ugly?HA! that explains my sex life.
shots suck. shots in the extra inch that you are holding…ummm, yeah, not a whole lotta fun, eh?
Not googling is a great idea, and I wish you luck in this quest. I’ve never been successful for more than, say, 24-36 hours when in the middle of stim cycles.
I remember feeling really self conscious about belly issues when I started shots. In the very beginning, I would only let my husband do them in the kitchen under the ceiling fan, which casts a warm glow and makes me look a little tan, hiding my thin pasty whiteness punctuated with fat. Sexy, right?
I had no worries in the injection department. The moment I unwrapped the needle, H turned green and headed for the hills…
I never turned to Dr. Google… but I always read the prescription inserts warning of everything from papercuts to (in rare cases)certain death. Those were enough to freak me out. I had my share of “strokes” and “blood clots”, too. And that is no fun at all.
ahhh I giggled…that was funny man!
hahaha, i love the crickets! so glad you didn’t have a stroke. but if it makes you feel any better my clinic has us all take a baby or low-dose aspirin starting when we start lupron. in addition to studies which show a connection to IVF success rates, they also protect against clots. so if your RE has you taking one too you’re probably covered.
i think i would have liked my husband to have taken even a dim interest in my shots, he was never in the room. and i assure you my belly is HIDEOUS.
Oh, I know good vs bad naked. I look waaaaaay better lying down! And I tell D not to stare at my belly hair stubble while giving me my HCG shot! Histrionic hypochondriacs rule!
You’re certainly not the only one who prefers to see the belly only when lying down. 🙂 Keeping everything crossed for you, sista.
LOL! Damn girl, you are funny!
That first shot is a killer, but after that it’s easy peasy. I still think the RE’s should come up with some kind of equal punishment for all the partners who don’t have to give themselves shots. Bastards.
Hope you have a stroke-free weekend 🙂
We’re both cracking up over here. Hope you don’t have any more stroke crises.
Bea
Yeah. I hear you with the belly pinching, sister- NOT FLATTERING IN THE LEAST. Only when laying down does my belly look sort of ok. 🙂
And I am SUPER glad that you avoided a stroke this weekend.
Hugs hon – we’ll be moving onto stims soon!
I think you are trying to scare me out of IVF..(giggles) because I have a lot of belly lately. You sound like you are doing well and I am glad. No stroke= “high fyyye” but without poking me in the eye..ok?
you rock!!!!!
You made me bust out laughing. I have a funny story to tell but can’t do it here. Lets just say, as you get older, when you have sex you want to be on the bottom..on the top EVERYTHING droops~ your face, your boobs–it is not a pretty site.
When I grow up, I want to have your writing wit. I love it!
What is it Borat says? Wow wah WEE wah?
I’m with Bepop. Sticking shots into my naked wife? Wow wah wee wah
LOL!!
THIS cracks me up:
“…wanted to vomit each time I read about the baby dust or the BD’ing with the DH. BLECH.”
hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! please shoot me if i ever slip and call him DH! i hate to admit that i used to use that one. i swear it was just for the sake of abbreviating! i mean i love him, but there is nothing all that “D” about my “H”.
and speaking of the husband, i want to withdraw what i said about him taking an interest in my shots. on day 3 of PIO i am now LONGING for the days when he was NOWHERE NEAR my needles!
You are hilarious! Thanks for the laugh, but I think I’m pissing my husband off. He’s trying to read and I keep interupting to read from your post. I have always had a pooch for a belly and for the first time in my life I appreciate it because there is lots of room for all the injections. My husband doesn’t watch.
Ooh, waxing the floor naked… Brrrrrrr cringe brrrrrrr.
I get to join the belly pinching brigade in two weeks, thanks for the laugh!
I’ve never been so thankful for that stomache “cushion” as when I was trying to shove a needle into my stomach. Fortunately, I have several (several – ha! Who am I kidding?) square inches of area to choose from.
Thanks for the laugh!
Well thank god you didn’t have a stroke! haha, you are a nut case. I love it! I totlaly remmeber that episode of Seinfeld, classic but aren’t they all?
I’m taking a break from the belly pinching, no more bruises for me. And bathing suit season is here in my neck of the woods.
Thanks for your kind words about my beauty pageant thingy. I was terrified the whole time but I’m so glad I pushed through. I couldn’t have done it without my BFF. It was truly a life changing experience for me.
~Debbie
Obviously I don’t know how to spell check.
UGH! Is it Friday yet???
Watson, I’m so glad you didn’t have a stroke. (You DIDN’T, did you? I mean, it’s been a while since you updated so…oh God, please tell me you didn’t. Because if you DID, this is SO not gonna be funny…)
Anyway, I hope the subsequent shots have been uneventful and free from Naked Ugly issues. (I’m SO there with you, although no needles yet, of course.)