Apparently my cervix is "a mile long," according to my doctor. He didn’t even feel the need to measure it on Monday after my appointment two weeks ago!
Having a mile-long cervix sounds better than THIS (okay, before you click over, this isn’t the most tasteful YouTube clip evah, and you might not want to play it at work!).
Two weeks ago, I was actually okay surrendering the pants after a few months of clothes-on appointments, because I was anxious to find out how the old hoo-ha was doing. And so far, so good.
We talked about starting my leave from early, and my doctor said it was basically up to me. He said he’d write me a note to work at home more often, or recommend that I go on disability and stop working all together. In a fit of total insanity, I thought I could make it into November, working from home 1-2 days a week.
But then I grew fricking HUGE and just getting to work is exhausting. I honestly look (and feel) like I’m nine months pregnant and should be delivering any day now.
The look of abject horror on people’s faces when, in response to the ‘when are you due’ question, I respond with ‘December 9th’ is just remarkable. They look like I just announced I was planning to give birth to a dozen or so kittens in my closet behind the shoe rack.
They must expect an answer like, oh any day now, so the December bombshell just rocks their world. Then I have to launch into a full discussion of how I’m carrying twins and they always come early and blahdy blah blah, because I get so self-conscious about it.
Many people ask if twins run in our families. This particular question doesn’t bother me too much, but I usually answer with an obnoxious, "No, but THANK GAWD they run in my fertility doctor’s office!"
For some reason (possibly because I’m insane hormonal or exhausted) I say this with just gusto you’d expect a rim shot to sound off in the background and then for me to end with a boisterous "THANK YOU! I’ll be at the Schenectady HA HA Hacienda all week, please try the veal and don’t forget to tip your wait staff!" It’s really, really sad. And also? Not funny. But there you go.
BeBop has been asked dozens of times if the twins are ‘natural.’ He usually just says yes, and leaves it at that. Being the annoying gal that I am, I told him he should say, "No, they’re made from PLASTIC and actually, we ordered them from China. Now we’re totally freaked about lead contamination and a recall!" but he would never be so rude.
Sometimes at night I have Restless Leg Syndrome which drives me insane(r). I want to crawl out of my own skin it’s so annoying. I usually end up yelling at BeBop to "Puleeze come rub my feet because I have the Reckless Leg Syndrome again!"
He laughs at me and doesn’t believe it’s a real problem. It doesn’t help that I always call it Reckless Leg Syndrome which distracts me for like a minute when I think of my legs drinking too many shots of Goldschläger and then driving home even after their friends tried to stop them…or how my legs might not be putting away enough money in their 401(k) plan. (It doesn’t take much, people.)
So what else?
It is pretty boring around here. I don’t feel at all ready, by the way, is that normal? We have one more baby class, I think the one where they teach you how to feed, water and not drown the babies during their first bath, and maybe how to swaddle them or something. I hope this class doesn’t include wearing garish lipstick and suckling a water balloon, because once is enough!
We hired a doula, we took our hospital tour, I’ve had all my showers. I hired a baby nurse who specializes in working with multiples to come for the first two weeks after we get home from the hospital. I’m interviewing pediatricians this week. The babies’ room is pretty close to being ready, but I have no idea what I still need. The baby nurse is coming next week to go over everything with me and make suggestions which should be helpful. We have the car seats and much of the big stuff like the furniture all set.
What else should I be doing? I need to pack the hospital bag at some point I guess, when does one do that? Anything else that at 30 weeks and three days I should be working on?
As for the names…since I recently shared them with the nice girl who took my order at a local deli, and she means nothing to me and you all mean the world to me, I feel as though I should share.
Jackson and Parker.
The streets we lived on in San Francisco when we first met, fell in lurve and plotted a life together that we hoped would one day include a little boy and a little girl.
And yes, it took us five years of unadulterated HELL to get here, but we’re mighty grateful just the same.
We’re thinking of Francisco (after my grandfather) and Lily (for my MIL) for the middle names.
So Jackson Francisco and Parker Lily: Stay in there long enough to get big and healthy kiddies, but not TOO long since Momma’s about to burst open!
i just can’t believe you’re 30 weeks already! i’m sure it feels like 300 weeks to you, but for some reason in my head you’re still newly preggo…
i love the names. they’re so great, and the story behind them makes them all the lovlier.
I love both names!
I love your response when people ask you about whether twins run in the family, and even more your suggestion for BeBop. You totally crack me up, as always!
I also think your names are just perfect.
Ok, since you are used to weird, I have a tip for you about your legs. Actually, I got it from Samantha at Southern Infertility. Get yourself some bars of soap (like Ivory) and stick them under your sheets and when your legs are going wonky, seek out the bars and rest your legs on them. If you google ‘restless legs and soap’ you will find stuff. I have 3 bars of unwrapped Ivory in a knee high under my sheets and it did seem to help my leg cramps. And really, after some of the things I have read here, this isn’t weird at all. 🙂
Love the names!
Fab names and fab response to the “do they run in your family” question. I’d say the same thing in your shoes.
Oh those names are so great. Having good names that actually mean something to you is so cool!
I’m astounded that you’re at 30 weeks already. Easy for me to say, I’m sure, but still! I hope you make it through the next couple months with ease, and without too many more stupid questions. I think your and BeBop’s answers are just perfect.
30 weeks already?!? Holy crap!
Love the names and love that they are so significant.
How do you do it?! I was literally laughing out loud through most of this post, and then you had me all teary by the end. The names are wonderful and perfect, just like little Jackson and Parker themselves.
So beyond happy for you!!
Oops, logged in as the “real” me — you may know me only as “Momma Bee.” 🙂
Also forgot to say — I don’t think anyone is ever ready, whether they think they are or not, but ultimately you are ready where it matters. Those are two very loved and very lucky babes in there.
I love the name Lily! Great middle name!
Take good care of those plastic twins (ewww, that sounds like some sort of sex plaything)!
I luv the names, they’re great:-)
And your answers to the twins questions, seriously, you gotta get the hubby to say that! After all this you at least deserve to laugh at the ignorant ones!
I think you should totally go for the plastic line in response to the “natural” question, and if you get bored with the RE line, I think you should go with, “Certainly not! We always make twins walk in our family.”
Bea
Love your blog! Your writing is fun.
If you can afford it, have the nurse stay for longer than 2 weeks; I promise you, you’re going to wish you have her for a little more time.
Love the names, and for short, you can call them PJ. 😀
I hadn’t heard the name jackson until recently and I have just fallen in love with that name!! I’m so glad you are using it.
Those names are absolutely adorable! I loved them before I read the reasoning behind them… hearing the story, total awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww effect!
I love the replies, snark is good!
And the names are great – so I guess I should be asking you for restaurant tips for my work trip to San Francisco in a couple of weeks.
LOVE the names and why you chose them. so, so sweet.
i too, can’t believe you are this preggy! i bet you can, but still.
you poor thing. sounds miserable.
why is it that people feel free to say the first, even if moronic, thing that pops into their head when someone is pregnant…i mean, i can;t think of any other medical condition where they do that.
maybe the days where you had to hide your pregnancy, and it certainly wasn’t polite converstation were better?
still so happy for you guys.
Glad to hear things are going well. There are two preggo women in my department at work right now. One is pregnant with twins from IVF. I like that BeBop is saying they are “natural.” It is a wierd way to ask that question and none of their beeswax. Love the names and sounds great that you’ll have a baby nurse for the first two weeks. I never would’ve thought of something like that.
Love the names!! 🙂
LMAO at the china lead bit…and at Bea’s “walk” comment!
Those names are adorable and your posts are as entertaining as always! I’m glad you’re doing so well!
Great names for your twins! It’s too bad Bebop has restrained himself from answering in the manner you suggested, I would have loved to learn about the response to that one!
And I really did hear about sticking ivory soap under your sheets to help with Restless Leg on this program called the People’s Pharmacy – you can Google it and find the info on their site. I haven’t personally tried it, but I’m glad it’s helped My Reality a bit.
Congrats, my dear, on making it this far! I’m glad things are going well for you guys!
On another note, I don’t think I have your email address?!
Would you mind emailing me at Fluttershy AT gmail dot com please?
Thanks! 🙂
xx
Nilla
Oh, and btw, those are lovely names! Slightly different, but not TOO different! 😉
Sounds like you’re doing well 🙂 Ready? You can never really be ready… 2 weeks of help is amazing! It should give you time to recover and get into the swing of things.
Congrats about choosing names! I hope you’re aware of the ‘Jack San Francisco’ aspect of the boy’s name…
Time has gone by so fast. It seems like just yesterday that I was watching your video giving yourself injections and now you are all ready to go. I like the names too!
I can’t believe someone asked Bebop if they were natural! People have a lot of fucking nerve and they are so clueless.
I hate when people ask me if they run in our families and if they are natural…I always answer snarkily, even to family because you all KNOW how we got PG!!!
I love your names, they are perfect. Just like those babies. just like you.
glad you are feeling good and so far along, I can’t wait to “meet” those babies. 🙂
*hug*
Fantastic names (middle names, too!). Lucky kids. Glad to hear you are doing well are still maintaining your sense of humor – as if!
Delurking to just say I had that blasted RLS with my last pregnancy…so bad it made me cry/rant in the night. Found this INSANE tip online, but was desperate enough to try it. Slip a bar of soap under the sheets, at the foot of your bed (I used Dov.e, thank you) and see what happens. I SWEAR it helped. Some nights, no RLS at all, others, just improved. It’s probably (has to be!) psychosomatic, but WTH, whatever works!
First of all, love the names and the meaning behind them.
I have an easy out when people ask me if twins run in my family (which seems to be a very popular question)- becuase I actually am a twin. So I say that, but am always tempted to say, well I think it may have more to do with the IVF than the fact that I am a twin- and just want to see the expression on people’s faces. And hear their awkward responses. I have not yet mustered up the nerve though. Glad you do!
Dear Watson, I love your response to the twin question! Very good. And I really like your name choices. I can’t believe you’re so close now… and so prepared!
it would be totally wrong to say i have a FAVORITE or there is a FUNNIEST because they are all just so damn hysterical, but this just MIGHT be it.
and i loooooooove your names!