Four month sleep regression, anyone?

bghnghn

Head hitting keyboard.  Too tired to write a plea for help with said sleep problems, but that is coming soon.

And I expect you all to provide sage advice that will immediately alter the Evil Babies’ Plot To Kill Mommy Through Sleep Deprivation.

Deal?

All bunny and gansta style

"Tastes like FEET!"

Will be displayed for prom dates one day….

Sweet Jesus if I could have preserved all the tears I cried yesterday in a bucket and somehow desalinated them, I could single-handedly solve our state’s water crisis. 

For years to come.

Today is my first day back at work. And I.AM.MISERABLE.

I know…waaahhh-fuckin’-waaaahhhh. I DID get a full four months off, what with three and-a-half weeks of bed rest followed by a generous three-month maternity leave.  So I shouldn’t complain.

But of course I am going to.

I have to work.  I am still the main breadwinner (bacon-bringing-homer?) and I make more than we’re paying our nanny, so I absolutely have to work.  Full time.  Unless, of course, we want to sell our house and move in with my parents but then I risk the babies being exposed to various healing crystals, life pods and being asked repeatedly if they remember their past lives. And that would all be in the FIRST DAY.

So off to work I went, after crying for literally the entire day and half the night yesterday. "Allergies," I sniffed when I walked in red-eyed this morning.

I know this is a dilemma so many of us face.  So many Moms work full time and somehow, make it work.  I only hope I can be one of them.

Is it bad that I have stared longingly at photos of Jackson and Parker most of the day or checked our Flickr site about a billion times?  IS IT?!?

On one season of…of that show? You know the one? The reality show about the contestants that race around the…OH YEAH The Amazing Race! (See:  baby brain in action.)  So on one season of The Amazing Race, two of the contestants were Moms, and they kicked ass in a challenge where you had to put some crap together (and I KNOW, what a detailed and thrilling story so far, Watson, why we’re just pleased as punch we checked out your blog today!) but anyway, they put these things together in record time and the host asked, incredulous, "How did you do that?"

They responded:  "We’re Moms.  WE CAN DO ANYTHING!"

And I loved these middle-aged women, with their Mom jeans and tennis shoes and t-shirts with hokey sayings printed across the front and I thought, I want to be a Mom.  I want to be able to do anything.

I want to be able to come to work without crying and feeling like I cut a giant, gaping hole in my chest each morning and left my heart at home.

Without ingesting large quantities of gin on my way to the office each morning, will I be able to cope with this change?

Stay tuned.