Okay people, my morning has NOT gotten off to a great start.
I woke up v. v. late because I managed to wrench my back somehow last weekend and by Friday night it was KILLING me. I decided that just what the dr. would have ordered, had I called one, would be a couple glasses of wine and a Tylenol PM. Or two.
Fast forward like twelve hours later and I’m a groggy mess, wondering what day it is, why my hair is all matted to my forehead and WHY IN THE FRAKKIN’ HELL is the dog licking my arm with a look in his eyes that says remember the story of the French lady who supposedly accidentally overdosed on WINE and SLEEPING PILLS and fell into such a deep sleep her dog ATE her FACE?? Remember?? Her dog was only trying to help, to make sure she was okay…chomp, chomp, chomp. Mmmmmm….owner’s face. Yummy.
Once I finally roused myself from my slumber and wiped the dog saliva off my arm, I decided I had to start boiling the evil herbs from my new acupuncturist. Good Lord. They are even more disgusting than I remember. It is seriously a brown paper bag filled with all kinds of dried berries, twigs, and completely unidentifiable objects — animal? Vegetable? Mineral? I have no clue! There is a brown object in there that looks, I swear, like something from an alien autopsy.
And the Smell. Sweet Jesus the SMELL.
You have to boil them twice, and the whole process takes about two hours. Like I have two hours to spend boiling up a witch’s brew of lord knows what and then drink it. I am gagging just thinking of the drinking part. Wish me luck, I will need it.
In other news:
My new BFF has joined the wonderful world of blogging, so grab a house warming present and head on over to Bitsy (aka Zee)’s new place in the blogosphere.
Off to gag on/choke down/curse my husband for not having to deal with this delicately sip my tea.
Far out, the things we do for the ‘greater good’. I vote you make your husband drink some of it just to prove how committed he is……… 😉
I am sooo glad I don’t have to boil up my stinkyherbs myself.. I go the more expensive option and buy the ground powder version.. but my GOD, it is so much better…
SO much better…
2 hours of boiling AND it tastes/smells like crap?? wow. what lengths we will go to, eh?!
Oh the dried vegetation! Oh the lumps of petrified god-knows-what! Oh the boiling! And the boiling! And the *&^%$ing boiling! Reindeer root and stinkweed, eye crud of newt and nostril hair of hibernating badger…
You know, if…no, let’s be positive: WHEN we Chinese herb chicks manage to have kids, just imagine the ammunition this’ll make. (I think it’s a nice complement to “Do you have ANY IDEA how BIG your head was?”) So, you know, pip-pip, “eyes on the prize” and all that! (But, for the love of God, next time ask if you can get the powders. They still taste like ass, but at least you don’t have to BOIL them!)
And hey, thanks so much for the kind introduction! You’re the best new BFF in the whole world!
Zee
Never gone in for those chinese herbs myself, and now I know why. Good luck with that stuff, it sounds like you’re going to need it.
I agree with Zee–powders are much better. Seriously, who has two hours to boil a bunch of twigs and berries. And I think they are easier to choke down.
POWDERS?! Who knew?? I will for sure ask her about that this week. It was truly horrible and I will certainly have to put a whiney-baby -poor-me post up here soon!