I am hereby coining a new term: K-Fed up.
It means BEYOND fed up. Like, totally DONE.
Much like my little Venti-Double-Mocha-Chip-With-Extra-Whip-Frappucino-toting Britney, I am K-Fed up with all of this fertility testing.
I have been a fairly good sport until now. I have gone in for blood test after blood test (even that disgusting four hour glucose test but thank GOD I was reading The Da Vinci Code at the time), gamely signed up for an HSG a couple of years ago, and had many ultrasounds with many different doctors.
(Speaking of which, I’m still convinced SOMEONE should be buying me dinner and a movie each time I submit to one of those! Or least have an open box of wine in the waiting room to get me in the mood! They include condoms and lube and where the fuck is my Chardonnay? DOES NOT COMPUTE.)
But I digress.
Today was my first in-person appointment with Dr. Z (I am calling him that because I am totally incapable of thinking of anything even remotely clever, his name starts with a ‘Z,’ and he reminds me of that character, Dr. Z, featured in the VW ads. I know. Pathetic).
Anyhoo, I went for the ever-delightful CD3 ultrasound so he could get his own look at the alleged cysts. The actual procedure went well enough. He saw a few, small cysts, which he said indicated a fairly moderate case of PCOS, nothing to really worry about. He said that it looked like I would respond well to the stims if we move forward with IVF in a couple of months.
Then, he suggested they do a blood draw, which I wasn’t planning on doing today. I knew I had a whole slew of new blood tests to do, he mentioned them to us when we had our phone consult a few weeks ago. So many, in fact, they recommend you do them over several visits.
One particular battery of tests is immunological and go to a special lab in Chicago. If I go to my regular lab, I am responsible for shipping the vials to the facility myself. Now I don’t know about you, but the thought of waltzing into my local Pack It! Store with several bottles of my own blood and having to figure out how to overnight them in the right packaging materials without causing a bio hazard emergency just does not appeal to me.
So I agreed to have these tests done today. There were 5-6 tubes that needed to be filled, usually I get one or two depending on the tests.
I had not quite done the math, as they say, to figure out that this was not such a great idea:
1. It was CD3, as in, I am ALREADY bleeding thank you very much, don’t have any to spare!!
2. I had eaten breakfast, but about two hours before the draw.
3. I had not had anything to drink today. I have a paralyzing fear of having a full bladder because I always have to stop and find a restroom. So when I’m going someplace new which entails a drive of over about 10 minutes, I am careful to go easy on the liquids so that I don’t have to stop at a shady gas station to use the loo. I know. I am a retard.
4. I guess I had underestimated my outright jubilation and glee at our election results (YEAH! First female Speaker of the House — you go Nancy Fancy Pants!) and so my judgment in matters of importance was greatly clouded.
So, these factors led me to agree to have the blood drawn and lo and behold, about half-way through the 4th vial I started to feel faint.
As in, "Ummmm…. I don’t feel so good."
Pause.
"I am starting to not FEEL SO GOOD…"
Pause.
"Okay, are you almost done because I…ACHCGGGGGHHHCKK ^&&%&%&&%&SHSJAJ…"
And then?
And then I fainted.
FAIN. TED.
I got the full court press with the smelling salts, ice packs, frantic nurses scurrying around and taking my blood pressure and asking me if I knew where I was. Then, once I started coming to, I was seized by the most painful menstrual cramps known to woman. I don’t usually get cramps, so holy Mother of God I was keeled over clutching my lower abdomen, whimpering in pain like an injured rodent, even before I could really feel my hands or feet.
Oh lord, what a GREAT first impression I made!!
It was a nightmare.
They tried some sugary liquid and then apple juice and that made me almost vomit, I had ice packs smeared all over my forehead (creating an entirely new category of Bad Hair Day!) and heat packs on my stomach and some M&Ms and the blood pressure cuff on my arm and I was barely cogent through most of this.
Finally, after about 45 minutes, I felt strong enough to go downstairs and snarf a bagel as fast as you could say "Where the FRICK is my husband when I need him??!!" and after about another 30 minutes I felt good enough to drive myself home, quickly change into a dressing gown, fling myself upon my brocade chaise lounge in the bed chamber and fan myself, trying to rid myself of the vapors.
Well, really I changed into sweats and a fleece sweatshirt and threw myself on our couch where I could watch TiVo all afternoon, but that other picture sounds much more dignified.
It’s been about five hours since my little drama, and I still feel like crap.
So I do declare, I am K-Fed up with all of this poking and prodding and wanding and blood testing.
BAH!!!!
You poor thing…those vampires can really take a toll on you.
Usually now I only have 2 or 3 tubes of blood taken so it’s not too bad, however I do remember when I was in college and went in and they took 7 tubes at once and then I left and went to get a tattoo that same day.
I actually made it to the taxi after the tattoo before I passed out.
18 years old then – and soooooo stupid.
I hope you’re feeling better.
Jebus. I don’t blame you! Been there with the 6 (once 7!) vials of blood for the testing crap, but not quite with all of the other factors. Hope you’re feeling better, and shite, I hope tomorrow is a better day!
Another horror story from the trenches, hey? You poor thing. 🙁 That sucks!
The most blood I EVER had taken at ONE time was FIFTEEN (Yes, 15!!!) vials before our first IVF cycle.
My arms don’t *like* to give blood (very tiny, ‘slippery’ veins, and have had too many blood tests over the years, from the Ovarian cancer and others stuff, and my veins are actually scarred from the inside out) but I haven’t fainted during a blood draw since I was about 11 or so.
Hope you are feeling better now and that your husband is catering to your every wish and desire!! 🙂
((hugs))
Oy vey. I’d be K-Fed up too after that experience. I hope all that blood taken away comes back with a diagnosis so at least you can say it was worth the trouble.
holy cow. i can’t believe you fainted. you poor thing. and then the cramps from nowhere.
ok, admit it. tell us when you kicked the puppy and/or old person ’cause you have some serious karma. ; )
I second the wine with the u/s. or valium. something.
hope you’ve recovered.
OMG! You poor thing. That sucks! I hope you feel better.
I’m all for the wine in the waiting room.
holy crap!! I’m so sorry you fainted – those vile vampires, I tell ya. Jeesh. I can’t imagine.
Oh LORD, woman. I don’t blame you for being K-FED up! Not a fun morning in the least!
But I have to say that you are a great story teller. You always have me in stiches.
Hope today is a better day.
Holy sh*t that’s a lot of blood. I hope you feel better today.
Wine before wandings. Should be a rule.
Wine before wandings, wine after wandings, and definitely wine if they make you fall unconscious to the floor! A face-full of ice just doesn’t cut it. What happened to the days when they used to revive you with brandy?
Look after yourself, eh?
OMG, I think I just peed my pants laughing and NOT at you sweetie pie. This happened to me when I went in for b/w for the endocronologist and I will tell you that it was not good, I threw up all day long. WTH???
I agree with PP about Wine before and after and I swear I haven’t heard the term VAPORS in forever, but it brings a smile to my face every time. I think we should all get the “Vapors” a lot more often and spend more time on the couch with TiVo.
hope you are feeling better ..being K-Fed Up stinks!!
I’d be K-Fed up too if I were you! I hope you’re feeling better after that!
I hope you are feeling better..I second everyone..I don’t blame you for being K-Fed. Take care of yourself!!
Oh Watson, I hope you are ok. How awful!
I do hope you didn’t tell your mother about this little episode . . .
Oh, I am sorry you had such a rough time. And you get to do this again? Oh my!
So totally don’t blame you for being K-Fed up….
I do feel very sorry for you, but I SWEAR I pictured you in a pink boa and fluffy kitten heels as you fainted. I’m sorry, I don’t know why.
And I’m totally used the K-Fed up term, it’s brill!
Goodness! What a terrible experience. I hope that you are feeling better. How are you feeling about the u/s results?
xoxo