I Wish This Had a Different Ending

Well, you all know how THIS turns out…

If I had good news I sure as hell would’ve posted sooner. I would have been all, hey ladies, Watson here in the hizouse with some good nizuse.

But that’s not how this story goes. I swore I wouldn’t — couldn’t — take a HPT. I resisted until Friday and then cracked. Like a crazy person who cannot accept reality even when it’s biting her in the ass, I still had a small fraction of hope. A tiny glimmer of…maybe I could be pregnant? Maybe?!?

My friend S. was pregnant and her HPT was negative for almost two weeks after she expected her period! Maybe that’s happening to me!!

Yeah, right.

Anyhoo, the test was so freaking negative. I mean, not a shred of a line, just a stark white window staring back at me.

So when my period started today, I can’t say I was surprised. Sad and depressed and frustrated, yes. But surprised, no.

Where do we go from here? I wish I knew. We’re going to be on vacation this month when I would be clomiding and ultra sounding and IUI’ing, which means a break, at least for June. That actually makes me feel better, like I have a pass from this nightmare for at least a few weeks.

When we get home, I guess we’ll contemplate more IUIs or injectibles or IVF or tying large rocks around our necks and jumping from the nearest bridge.

Okay, I’m just kidding about that last part. Kinda.

I am having a reading on Monday with a woman who works with issues around infertility, looking at the whole mind-body-connection thing and where your energy might be blocked. You know, that’s what we wacky California girls do when we need answers, consult the local psychic healer!!

I’ll let you know how it goes.