I decided I better get off my ass and post something today, because God forbid any new readers stumble by the blog and get hit over the head with the "My Dog Died" story.
What a boring, sad and depressing blog, you would think.
And actually it’s much more like a weird, inappropriate and extraordinarily loooooong-winded blog, so I just want to be clear on that.
When I last complained bitterly updated you, I was in the throes of yet another poor me phase. I was hoping that since the acupuncture and herbs had made such a difference the first two months, this month I would ovulate earlier than I normally do. But of course that would actually be GOOD news and what’s the fun in that?
My body finally geared up to ovulate around day 22, so it was back to its old tricks. It took its own sweet time, dithering around and probably getting stuck in traffic and throwing me off track by trying to ovulate around day 17, only to fake me out and wait another FIVE days which resulted in me having to have sex EIGHT times in TEN DAYS.
GAWD. Can you imagine the horror?!? I’m only just recovering now.
Currently I am on CD 31, so once again I am cramming progesterone tablets in my gaping maw trying to have a somewhat normal luteal phase. Which would, of course, mean a cycle length of about 36 days which is just no fun at all.
I guess having this setback after two months of good progress sort of threw me off balance and made me doubt my body’s ability to get pregnant on its own or with little intervention, which is why the whole IVF thing suddenly became a real option.
And I appreciate everyone’s comments reassuring me that I was not alone in having my head up my ass by believing that we would not have to pursue IVF. Really, your comments meant a lot to me and helped me reframe the issue slightly.
I think it was depressing to finally be looking at our last option, because if IVF doesn’t work, then fucking what? But when so many of you said you also felt a sense of relief, even excitement for crissakes, when starting the process because the odds of getting pregnant were so much better…well!
I’ll be goddamned, I thought. I had not really considered that angle.
When the very wise Thalia said not to make IVF the Bogey Man, something clicked.
Good God, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, I thought in a rare moment of introspection and self-awareness. Then I went to the kitchen to eat a chocolate-covered granola bar because all that introspection and self-awareness can make a girl HUNGRY, and what’s not to love about a chocolate-covered granola bar?? It has the crunchy, sweet granola that tricks you into thinking it’s healthy and then it’s slathered in a generous layer of yummy chocolate and…wait.
Where was I?
Oh yeah.
So anyway, as I mentioned in the post we are talking to a local IVF specialist on October 17th and I’m gearing up for the whole thing. And by ‘gearing up’ I mean screaming at BeBop at the top of my lungs last night when he was in a snit.
"YOU’RE in a bad mood??" I sneered. "YOU have nothing to worry about my friend. I am looking at possibly getting the inside of my UTERUS ROTO-TILLED so I’m pretty freaking sure you have nothing to complain about."
Yes.
I am always cool, calm, collected and not at all a total ball of nerves and anxiety. Nor am I someone who frets over things before she even knows if she’ll have to confront these horrible and possibly quite uncomfortable or even very painful procedures. Nope. Not me.
But before I totally immerse myself in self-pity, again, let’s take a peep at
THIS:
Apparently in 1898, when you had a Hysteroscopy, it was performed by someone who looks suspiciously like one of the Wright Brothers, or perhaps Alexander Graham Bell.
I choose to believe the latter, and that this is an artist’s rendering of Mr. Bell testing prototypes of his soon-to-be-invented telephone. It was a hellava way to get dates back then, but what poor lass could refuse his pleading, "but it’s for science, and I swear THIS one will work. It’s for the good of all mankind!!"
Oh Lordy, I find myself totally off track again.
Let’s see…I did promise some good or some does-not-totally-suck news, and I guess the only thing I have to offer is this: My Mother graciously pre-paid for me to see the KEY MASTER four times over the next few weeks.
Which puts me in a total bind because even though I don’t think he’s going to sell me into white slavery or chop me up into little pieces anymore, I still don’t feel like spending a total of four hours getting poked and prodded by a tiny little Korean man making bizarre breathing sounds and belching (which is, apparently, his way of releasing my toxins which I would prefer to release on my OWN, thank you very much).
But to not go would annoy my Mother and believe you me, you do NOT want to annoy my Mother. It’s like confronting the white hot rage of a thousand blistering suns and going to the "healer" is, in the end, much better than that.
Trust me on that one.
She goes to an Indian ashram every year to meditate and chant and sing Indian prayer songs, but by God if you disagree with her, you better watch your ass.
I had a 37 day cycle about 4 cycles ago. It was murder. 8 times in 10 days? You are persistent. We just gave up and took it for an anovulatory cycle after 4 “sessions.”
Good luck with the key master and the upcoming doctor visit!
Just read your post on who the Key Master is. Oy! The burps and the socks might freak me out, but the idea of feeling relaxed and free from neck pain the next day sounds oddly appealing. And yeah, if he can kick start the fertility, more power to him.
All best with this next step, both with the Key Master and with the IVF consult (which again, if it gets you a baby in the end, more power to it).
I’m glad my phrase helped! And that is one truly terrifying photo – it took me a while to work out that the third opening was the bowel. I guess they didn’t know about the cervix when that picture was created??
What would happen if you ate something that would make you really gassy and bloated before seeing the key master? Would that in turn change his breathing and belching? Would he suffer the effects, too? Yes, I am aware that I am somewhat sick and twisted!
That drawing is disturbing. I’m in pain just looking at it. Anyway, glad you made an appointment for a consult, but sure hope you don’t need it.
I’m glad to hear you have a RE consult coming up. I hope it goes really well, and you get some answers, and some assurance about the whole process.
And, YIKES!!!! That photo that you ever so kindly chose to “share” with us, is giving me the heebie-jeebies!!!!!! *shudders*
Crazy lunatic men and their ideas!!!!
The ever-wise Thalia makes a good point, too: where the heck is that poor subject’s cervix?!?!?
Oh, and geez — 8 times in 10 days? Wow, you have a lot of endurance!! 😉 All I can say is I hope that never happens to me! My local fertility clinic thinks I ovulated this past month — so I guess that means we are going to “try on our own” to get pregnant this current cycle…..so ummmm, yeah. We’ll see how THAT goes. :/
holy crap – what a photo!!! yikes!!! yikes!!! yikes!!!
Okay…8x in 10 days!! Oy!!
Yes, I am one of days women that felt a little relieved when we started the IVF road, I figured nothing was working out, I can either be scared about this or be a little excited since this was probably our best shot of getting p. Good luck! Thinking of you!
Ah, yes, the frustration of ovaries that prefer to function at the beat of their own (rhythmically challenged) drummer. Mine like to mess with me like that, too.
I’m glad you’re able to look at IVF in a new light. I had the “if IVF doesn’t work, then what?” thoughts too. Someone on a bulletin board told me to try not to think of IVF as the be all, end all and instead just look at it as another step in the process, that if it doesn’t work there are other steps that can be taken like (if applicable) surrogacy, egg/embryo donation, adoption. She said it much more eloquently than that, but you get the drift.
I was totally nervous about the needles and all the possible drug side effects (I’m prone to migranes), but once I got cleared after the cyst check ultrasound, the excitement started to kick in. And the needles turned out to be no big deal (even the PIO – get it in cottonseed oil if you can, it’s thinner than sesame), and I didn’t have any of the side effects that I anticipated. In fact, I felt physically better during the cycle than I had in months, probably because the meds helped balance out my wacky hormones.
Good luck with the Key Master. I hope the appointments aren’t too bad.
That thing makes a tenaculum look positively friendly.
And: Eight times. In ten days. You are superwoman.
the picture and the 8 times in 10 days is scary. i don’t know if i’d live thru either.
i think a lot of us never thought for one second that we’d have to do IVF to get PG. And when you realize that IVF is a reality…your reality…i think you have to mourn the loss of just being able to have sex and get PG.
I just found your blog and it is delightful–even the picture, which cracked me up. I am all too familiar with the “fake-out” ovulation. Hateful ovaries. Good luck to you, and I will be checking back…