Weather Forecast: Hot And Cold

It is warm here today.

And I do mean WARM.

Like Al Gore Warm, people!  Like oh-my-God-those-poor-bastard-Polar-bears-falling-through-the-ice-floes warm.

But the weather does not exactly match my current mood.  I’m not bright and sunny at the moment. But I’m not totally dark and depressed, either. I’m sort of right in the middle.

We’re planning on starting our first IVF cycle next month.  When I first spoke with Dr. Z, he recommended we (and by ‘we’ I mean, of course, ‘I’) go on the Metformin for at least three natural cycles. (Natural.  SNORT!  As if there’s anything ‘natural’ about Wednesday night, I soooo wish Grey’s Anatomy was on instead of THIS sex, but that’s another whole long story…)

Today is CD2, so we’re just starting our third and last cycle on the Met alone  (which, besides a recent and very ill-advised frolic into the world of Haagen-Daz Rocky Road ice cream is going just fine).  So, we basically have one more, Hail Mary, this IS IT last try before we start cycling in early February.

Which sounds so funny to even say.  I’m mean, we’ve been trying for four long years, so it’s crazy to think that perhaps we would get pregnant just before doing IVF.  But sometimes I trip myself up, thinking about what a difference the acupuncture and Chinese herbs and progesterone have made in the last few months, and what impact the Metformin might have.

Because I’ve seen such improvement recently, it makes it even harder for me to take that leap into IVF.  What if?  What if I keep going with the holistic approach and the Met and the Pre-Seed and, miraculously it all comes together one magical month?? I am driving myself crazy.  (But if you’ve read more than a post or two, you know that’s not a long trip.)

I’ve completed all of my blood work, and BeBop went in for his sperm test over the weekend.

"Have fun stormin’ the castle," I giggled as he left for the doctor’s office.

"Does quoting The Princess Bride EVER get old for you?" he said.  Nope.  Never does. 

When he got home, I asked him how the porn was. 

"Did they have a good selection?  Was it Asian-themed?  I’ve heard that.  How was the lighting?" I inquired.  "Fine" and "Yes" and "Wha???" were his very curt answers.

"Was it better than some dingy old bathroom in the regular doctor’s office?" I asked excitedly. "I mean, a WHOLE ROOM, just for –"

"–YES. It was FINE." 

I guess he didn’t feel like filling me in on the details, to say the least.  (I guess he didn’t feel like being forthcoming, if you know what I mean, and I think that you do.)  (He was a little stiff.)  (He wanted to handle it all by himself.) (He — okay!  I’ll stop now.)

But at least all of the tests are done, and so far the only issue they have discovered is that I carry one marker for that test that looks like MTHERFCKER even though I know that’s not what they’re testing for (although?  Not a bad idea, if you ask me…) but because I have only one marker (if that’s the correct way to explain it) it’s not a big deal, I just have to start taking a baby aspirin every day.

So, at the start of my very next cycle, in a month or so, I’ll call to schedule everything and get the process underway.

I am happy and excited and scared out of my frigging mind.  What if it doesn’t work?  What if it does?  It’s hard to be scared of two dramatically different outcomes, and yet that’s the state I’m in.

And my Mother is right there, ‘supporting’ me in her own inimitable way, telling the neighbors we’re about to do IVF (when I’ve asked her on numerous occasions to keep her yap shut) and complaining that I haven’t seen Master Cha in quite a while and what was I planning to do about my freezing cold womb?

Hey! Maybe this global warming, early-spring thing could work to my advantage!  Why didn’t I think of that before??  If the temperatures keep rising and soon it’s like 1000 degrees out, that’s got to help the cold womb situation, right? 

Everyone:  to your Hummers, stat!