And?
Screw you, John Mayer…with your silly songs that make me cry (I’m lookin’ at YOU Daughters) and your Jessica Simpson-dating and your bushy hair.
Can you tell I’m ultra cranky today? Or as BeBop would say, "who’s wearing her extra tight cranky pants today?" with a silly grin on his face, making me want to smack him in the face with a pair of red hot kitchen tongs.
My body is having its very own nervous breakdown. It’s just sort of falling apart, with a weird AF a week ago and insomnia and crazy emotions that run the gamut from pissed off to homicidal and back again, all within about a ten-minute span of time.
If I had to, say, name cartoon characters after my last period, they would be called Bright Red and Super Clotty.
Why in fuck’s name would you be naming cartoon characters after your last period, you ask?
That is a good question. Can I get back to you on that one? I’m still working out the details. The overall idea is good, but I’m a little concerned about the back-end deal for merchandise.
I’m thinking Bright Red is an ironic name, so she’s the air headed character always running out of tampons even though SHE NEEDS THEM EVERY MONTH. She has a kicky little cape that protects her from evil doers.
And Super Clotty is just a computer whiz who helps her partner solve crimes in the big, bad city. She is yin to Bright Red’s yang, if you will. But since I just had this brainstorm, I need a little more time to develop the characters and write a good story arc. Hey! If those Lost guys can get that nonsensical tripe on TV, why not this??
(If you have any bril ideas for story lines, feel free to send them my way. I’ll be sure to give you a co-executive producer credit when this thing takes off!!)
GAWD.
Where was I? Oh yeah, complaining…what else is new??
I have so many medications to pick up, I keep forgetting what I’ve put in the prescription for and what still has to be gotten. (Awkward grammar, party of one!)
I went to the pharmacy today to pick up my next pack of pills, my new super strength Folic Acid and more Folgard. And to drop off my prescription for Medrol. (Still don’t really know what in the h-e-double hockey sticks THAT does.)
The pharmacist made me have a consult, even though I mumbled that I already take all of this stuff, lying through my teeth. I think when she looked at my list of meds she saw the fifty frillion different drugs I’ve ordered or refilled in the last few months.
The pharmacist looked at the Folgard and the folic acid and asked why I was taking them?
Aren’t YOU the frigging expert? I snarled. "Ummmm, well, I have this marker thing for something that, er, well, my doctor recommended the Folgard to help me, assimilate? Or, absorb maybe? more folic acid," I stammered.
"Oh, so you’re expecting?" she asked with a gleeful expression on her face.
Since there were fourteen people in line directly behind me, totally ignoring the privacy mat they are supposed to stay behind YOU STUPID ASSHATS, I whispered, "Well, I’m hoping to be expecting soon…"
"Oh! How lovely," she remarked. And then?
AND THEN SHE SPOTTED THE PACK OF BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.
It was as if I had just asked her for a stool sample or something. She practically keeled over.
"Oh," she said, her tenor totally changing from the other oh. "Then why are you…are you aware that these are oral contraceptives?" she asked like I was mistakenly let out of the halfway house on a special pass.
(In retrospect, I totally should have started screaming, "WHAT? You mean I’ve been trying to get knocked up for FOUR years and all I had to do was stop taking these pills?" and flung myself up over the counter and embraced her, doing a little victory dance of sorts. But I’m just not that quick.)
So in front of the now 15 people standing behind me, I start stammering about how they are part of the protocol for the beginning stages of IVF and blah blah blah.
So after I completed that little exercise in humiliation, I returned to work to discover that I am spotting. Spotting! (As in, I did not get the memo I would be needing the assistance of a panty liner today goddamn it.) And it’s only CD9 and when I called Dr. Z’s office the nurse said that with the low dose pill I’m on that’s totally normal.
Really? Thanks for sharing. Does this mean I will be bleeding for the next several weeks?
Not to put too fine a point on it (and I don’t even really know what that means) but THIS FUCKING BLOWS.
And in other news from the Watson/BeBop stronghold? BeBop presented me with a blue Tiffany box last night. I almost peed myself! I have never received the lovely blue box with the tasteful white ribbon in the classic blue bag.
And what, you may ask, was in the blue box tied with the white ribbon tucked into the blue bag?
A silver baby’s rattle. A sterling silver teething ring rattle, but not one you’d ever actually give the little brat. More of a keepsake, I guess.
Was I shocked? Yes. Was I hoping for a pair of earrings or a bracelet? I’m not gonna lie, I am a bitch and YES, I was hoping for some Valentine’s Day bling.
But it was a very sweet gesture and yes, it did creep me out a little, I’ll admit. Like a sterling silver, engrave-able jinx, but I’m trying to get over that part and just see it as the thoughtful, optimistic and sweet gesture that it was.
And that is all, my friends. That is all. Until next time, when I finally pull my head out of my ass and finish the totally boring story of the body worker from hell, which is now SO totally over-hyped I’m afraid of even blogging about it!
Holy crappola man, what a dingbat that pharmacist was?! Why oh why do they have to be so damn nosey? Anyway, I wish you did the little dance in front of her, what a sight that would have been!
The rattle idea is very sweet of Bebop. It wont be a jinx, he’s just excited obviously. A little hope never killed anybody eh? We hope…
Watson! OMG! Look at you, all “in cycle” and sh*t! As much of a pain in the ass as it’s been to get off the ground–well, I hope it’s proportionally successful. (If that makes any sense. It’s supposed to mean that I hope the success factor is BIG since the ass pain factor is BIG.)
Anyway.
I’m so sorry to hear about the spotting, and the knucklehead behind the pharmacy counter. (I’m telling you, carry a big fly swatter around at all times and just whack people like that when they’re not looking!)
And I think the rattle was very sweet, showing BeBop’s committment and hope for the whole deal. And as for the jinx factor: listen, it could just as easily have been a onesie that says, “Who Farted?” or “I’m With Stupid.” So stop thinking about jinxes and consider yourself a lucky Tiffany-box-opening vixen!
Wow – I cannot get over how that pharmacist acted. That’s unbelievable.
I don’t know how I would have responded to the baby rattle while going into an IVF cycle. I think part of me would think it’s sweet and look at it as a sign of hope and the other part of me would just want to cry.
Yeah, I tend to get all judgmental on people like the pharmacist and try to answer in know it all tones when I can. Because honestly, I *do* know more about the drugs I’m taking and why I’m taking them than the person behind the counter does. Where do I sign for them?
Hey, Bebop has nice taste when picking out future baby stuff. Just know that you’ll use it someday.
Good God, Watson. That pharmacist was a shit. Dumb bitch. Let me at her, I say! I’ll go all Jersey on her ass!
(and swear and stuff too.)
So guess what happened to ME during IVF #1? (Because really, hon, it all boils down to me. Even on other people’s blogs.)
I spotted. For about a week- about the same time you did. And then my period was so delayed on Lupron, I was pretty sure the cycle was a TOTAL bust.
(As an aside, it WAS sort of a bust. But I did get to see what two lines looked like.)
Long story short. It’s ok if you spot. Because the stimulation meds are going to plump that lining up nicely when you get to that point.
And wow – BeBop with the cool gift.
(I’d have been freaked out too, tho. In the Serenity household, we cringe at the “P” word if it’s in reference to me. We’ve actually disallowed it this cycle.)
*hug*
Hope your tomorrow is better.
OH MY GOD. The image of you leaping over the counter had me laughing out loud.
You don’t have to post the actual post about the body worker, just the pictures!
I am not so sure I could have held it together if anyone bought me a silver baby rattle from Tiffany’s. I have seen them and they are beautiful. It will be a wonderful gift to give your baby, hopefully in about 10 months or so.
Yeah, low dose BCP’s can make me spot for the entire cycle. It sucks. Buy stock in pantiliners, cause you will be needing lots of them!
Yep, I agree with My Reality. I spotted for ages. If I ever do manage to get pregnant, I think Carefree will go out of business.
I swear, I had a very similar conversation with my pharmacist. Just give me my damn drugs, lady.
Aaaaaah… the hormones of it all. Don’t cha just love ’em!
Hey, I’m relatively new to your blog, but your story reminded me of arguing with the pharmacist at the local C.V.S. about my clomid dosing. I got so frustrated, I just left without the prescription and made my doctor call it back in so I could start over. Now I get all of my drugs through a mail-order specialty pharmacy. It’s a pain to arrange pick-up, but at least there’s nobody says, “Why are you taking birth control pills?” That would make me want to throttle someone!
Yeah, I thought you got bling…but that is really sweet. I hope that his optimism pays off!!
I can’t believe that the pharmacist didn’t know what was going on with all those drugs! That blows my mind.
I hate stupid people. Especially when they should know better! I’m very grateful that my pharmacy has people who know what they’re doing, and don’t ask me stupid questions. They’re apparently familiar with the protocols, and the only thing they ask me is “Have you taken these before?” 🙂 Seriously, the next time someone is that stupid and should know better, act on it. Throw yourself over the counter! You’ll feel better…or at least give everyone in line a laugh.
Wow, it’s nice to see that pharmacists who ride the short bus have jobs, too. For cryin’ out loud, what the HELL WAS SHE THINKING WITH 15 FREAKIN’ PEOPLE RIGHT BEHIND YOU???!!!! I know it’s hard to find a pharmacy that carries all this IVF shit, but is there another one where the pharmacists actually have, you know, a brain cell?
And good on BeBop with the V Day present.
You are the funniest woman I have ever not met. I hope you know that I totally empathize with you, being a fellow infertile, but your stories and writing style absolutely crack me up, which I assume is your intent. You could write a book and I would buy it. Doesn’t matter what it’s about, if you said you wrote a book, I’d read it. Anyway, good luck, I hope the spotting stops, sorry for your humiliation at the pharmacy, and have a great weekend!
You are the funniest woman I have ever not met. I hope you know that I totally empathize with you, being a fellow infertile, but your stories and writing style absolutely crack me up, which I assume is your intent. You could write a book and I would buy it. Doesn’t matter what it’s about, if you said you wrote a book, I’d read it. Anyway, good luck, I hope the spotting stops, sorry for your humiliation at the pharmacy, and have a great weekend!
I was fine until I got to the rattle, and now I am sitting here at work crying like an idiot.
(Hey write the book, so we can all buy it and laugh our ass*es off ok? )
The pharmacist was a real piece of work, I would have smacked her.
Hope the spotting stops for your sake as well as those you love. I am so feeling “the 10 seconds of 20 emotions” stuff.
*hugs*
Guys just don’t get it, do they? They all assume that any minute now their partners will be pregnant and don’t believe in jinxing or plain old cautious optimism. Oh well, he is obviously excited about the possibilities. Maybe IVF, with all its hassles and uncomfortable pharmacy interactions, will bring you both a good reason to have a baby rattle.
And I am all for cartoons based on menses. I would read them.
John Mayer bugs me. His songs at first were all sappy like “I know there’s so much more to me than anyone knows and I’m going to come out of my little shell and really shine and BE SOMEBODY someday”. Yeeech. And now he’s all “I have big hair and Im smarter than you and I’m the voice of my generation and we’re all just waiting for the world to change”. Shut yer pie hole, John. You had me at “No such thing”, but then the next 3 songs were “No Such Thing II” and No Such Thing III”. You’re really going to shine someday, we get it.
Ahem. Sorry, it seems I may have gone on about John Mayer longer than was appropriate.
I have to say, if I had given M that baby rattle, she would have shoved it so far up by ass that you would have heard a faint rattling whenever I burped. But that’s just her.
Good for Bebop, for finding a rattle street vendor who sells his wares in little tiffany boxes. Genius.
ok..um…i have no idea why that just posted. I didn’t do that for drama i swear. but its kind of cool because
Okay, retail pharmacists are mostly asshats. I had a similar problem with my first IVF-I went to our local pharmacy to get my meds filled, had to have them special-ordered (since they didn’t have any of them, except Lupron) and then had to endure the stupidity of the pharmacist in charge. I remember trying to explain something, and he got snarky and said “Trust me, I’ve been a pharmacist a while, and I know what I’m doing”. Me, being the hormonal hosebeast that I am, told him “that I’ve been infertile awhile, and I KNOW what I’M talking about”.
Asshats.
BTW, the Medrol is for the transfer-you start taking that and the antibiotics right after ER. The Medrol is a steroid that depresses your immune response so your body doesn’t reject the embryo at transfer (kinda like what liver transplant patients take so as not to reject the new organ). The reason is that the embryo is cultured in a solution and it can be viewed by the body as unfamiliar….
Yeah, just call me the IVF nerd. I know. I need SOMETHING to pass the time in the 2WW…and since I can’t drink heavily….well…
that was so hilarious and so perfect!!! if my poor sweet husband had given me the tiffany rattle there’s no tellin what he might have been in for, but probably some horribly undeserved tantrum about how he doesn’t understand ANYTHING at ALL. what a nice wife you are to try to get beyond the jinx and appreciate it for the lovely gesture it is.
and i totally agree with smarshy about john mayer. annoying.
Wait? Is that my problem? That I am on birth control??? Why didn’t anyone tell me!
Some people are so stupid… Sorry you had to deal with them 🙂
i could make a very long comment about my the comment i tried to make last night. it was very funny. i swear i entered to twilight zone of comments. i’m still afraid to be here.
which is why i’m leaving.
It would have to be one of those Spiderman-style comic adventures. Bright Red starts asking the wrong questions about porno.graphy on the internet, and Super Clotty has to bail her out of trouble. Probably there is drug smuggling and human trafficking as well. And lots of computer hacking, espionage, hot water bottles and tylenol.
Bea
. . . that’s a dumbass pharmacist alright. You exercised such self-restraint – wow. That’s gotta give be worth some good kharma points, damnit.
All I can say is that an episode of Bright Red and Super Clotty would be perfect for Bea’s IF film festival. They could be about to crack the safe that holds the super secret conception detector (that can detect the possibility to implantation immediately after transfer) when Bright Red reaches into her purse to grab a tampon (since the last step is inserting a tampon into the keyhole) and exclaims her catchphrase: “fuck! I’m out of them!”
Hmmm, funny how the pharmacist gets chatty when the line is so incredbily long— makes me appreciate the mail order service all the more. Something to be said about the shops that embrace fedex openly. You a much nicer person than I am– I doubt I’d stammer out any explanation as politely as you did. Good luck!
Hey Watson – I wanted you to know that I came across your blog last night on cyclesista, and nearly laughed my freakin’ a$$ off. Dude, I so, totally, have a blog-crush on you! My husband went out of town on business today, so I’ve decided that I’m going to sit at my computer tonight after work and read EVERY POST YOU’VE EVER WRITTEN, clear through to the end of your bloody archive!! I was telling my husband last night about your blog, and how I decided that you’d be so much fun to be friends with, and that I was so sad that I could only know you in blog-land instead of in real life. He patted me on the head and told me it was time to turn off the PC and go to bed, for the love of God, that last hormone shot has sucked up the last of your remaining sanity. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I will be hanging on your every word from now on, and cackling wildly for all to hear. Thanks – K
Though I think Super Clotty has taken up permanent residence at my house at the moment…
Am also wiping away little tear at the baby-rattle story.
As for the pharmacist? Speechless.