GAWD.
There is soooo much I want to blog about, but like a bad stereotype of a frazzled new Mom I walk around in my jammies all day with greasy hair and if I get to brush my teeth I feel accomplished…and we have help!
I don’t know what new Moms do without help. I really don’t.
I want to write about the night before the babies were born, when BeBop made a great dinner and gave me a book — a book he made. By hand! A real book, bound and everything, with beautiful images starting with the two photos from Dr. Z of Embryo 3 and Embryo 8 who, in a few short months, would become Jackson and Parker. BeBop designed beautiful images for each page, along with photos of me being pregnant and lyrics from different songs. It was the most touching gift I have ever received.
I want to write about the birth story. But with a scheduled c-section, there’s not too much drama or mystery about the whole thing. I was so, so sick at the very end and so thankful my dr agreed to do the surgery on that Wednesday instead of Friday which he initially suggested.
I want to write about how beautiful the babies are, how Parker is above her birth weight because she eats like a champ and demolishes every bottle. She’s so small and pink, with feathery traces of light blond hair and the sweetest face you’ve ever seen. She’s Mommy’s little angel. And how Jackson is so sweet but also so stubborn, (how could a two-week old be so stubborn??) and how he’s a tricky eater (more on this in a sec.) and still a few ounces below his birth weight.
There’s just so much to write about, to much to be grateful for and excited about, but I have so little to say it with…
So for now, I’m going to ask for help. Any words of wisdom for a new Mom?
–I still feel sooo overwhelmed. I feel totally out-numbered with two babies, especially when I have to feed both myself (BeBop takes the late night feedings, I do early mornings). Any tips from other twin Moms? I know it’s only been two weeks, but I feel totally anxious when it comes to feeding two babies.
–My milk supply is paltry, bad, whatever. Now they’re on formula 100%, and I’m trying to pump and take a bunch of herbs that supposedly can help with the volume, but it’s so frustrating and hard. After dealing with infertility for a million years, I just want my body to WORK. To do what it’s supposed to. But it’s not. I’ll keep pumping for another week or so, but at some point I have to face the truth and I might have to give it up.
–Thankfully, BeBop has had this whole time off. He had to take a couple of weeks before the birth because I was sick, and he doesn’t go back until after the holidays. But I’m already FREAKING out about it. During the day, I get help from a baby nurse we hired for a few weeks. She’ll be here for much of January. She’s so helpful, BeBop isn’t even around much of the day, he’s getting things organized around the house and decorating for Christmas, whatever. But I feel so much better with him around, and I literally feel panicky and anxious when I think of him going back to work. He won’t be able to do the late night feedings and still function, so I’ll have to do more on my own.
–Jackson is very tricky on the bottle. He’ll take the first ounce great and then practically goes on a hunger strike. We’ve tried millions of bottles, nipples, etc. but nothing seems to do the trick. The nurse, of course, has much better luck than I do. With me, he literally puts his tongue at the roof of his mouth to block the bottle, he gets very sloppy and drips a ton out the sides of his mouth, he’ll stop sucking and swallowing if you actually manage to get the bottle in there. It’s like he has a bag of tricks he uses to keep from eating the rest of the bottle. His weight gain is okay, but not great. The dr isn’t concerned, but of course I am. I feel like I can’t breastfeed him and now I can’t seem to BOTTLE feed him either, what the frick is wrong with me?!
My sister is coming this weekend to help, and the baby nurse has offered to come back and help me through the transition when BeBop goes back to work. I think I have a ‘WARNING: Good Candidate for Post Partum Depression’ sign on my forehead or something. But I’m grateful for the help, I really am.
I still can’t believe a year ago we went to LA to celebrate our 6th anniversary and talked so much about how we were ready to start the IVF cycle after the first of the year. And how a year later, we are getting ready to celebrate the twins’ first Christmas. What a wild, crazy and wonderful year it’s been.
I’ve never commented here before, but when I read that your milk supply is suffering I was wondering if you’ve been checked for a thyroid imbalance.
I gave birth to my daughter 15-months ago and my milk didn’t ever fully come in. I had to supplement with formula from birth and she went to 100 percent formula at about 6 weeks, as some of my doctors thought my milk production problems were because of my age (35 at delivery).
But I was also pretty weepy and asked my OB to check my thyroid at my 6 week wellness check up. Turns out I was severely hypothyrodic, which happens pretty frequently post-partum. I found out too late to help with my milk supply, but thought perhaps it might be something for you to check out.
Oh, I remember that feeling of panic (which I imagine is double with twins)…the DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THIS BABY I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!!! Believe it or not, even just the few weeks left before Bebop goes back to work will make a huge difference in your confidence. And YES get the baby nurse back to help ease the transition, and if you have friends who are available during the day make them pinky swear to come by and help out. My hubs worked a 5 am-9 pm shift one day when BG was around 7 weeks old, and I wouldn’t have survived without having a friend come over in the middle of the day to hold the baby while I pumped. (I also took FOUR walks that day to keep the baby calm and happy.)
Re: pumping, I just wrote a big long post about everything I learned about pumping and low supply: http://citygirltales.blogspot.com/2007/12/pump-palooza.html. Maybe it will help. You are in good company, babe. And don’t feel bad about it if you do decide to stop pumping–you’ve got enough on your plate with two babies without the craziness of pumping added.
ALSO: Things will all seem a LOT better when you are fully healed from the surgery. It took me about a month before I really felt close to normal again. It’s hard to feel confident and competent when you have to hold your insides together every time you walk up stairs.
re: feeding, I don’t know much about feeding issues, but have you investigated that maybe Jackson has tongue tie or high palate or some other structural thing that’s interfering with his bottle skills? This is just total assvice, though, so feel free to blow off.
and re: feeding two at once, I obviously have no personal experience but I read on someone else’s blog where she put the babes in their carseats on the floor and then could bottle feed both at once. And Chris (of Barefoot and…) swore by the Podee feeders (aka pacifeeders) which lets you hold both babies and feed at once.
Good luck! You are doing great! (I had help too and I only had one baby and I didn’t brush my teeth for like, 10 days.)
Hi Dear,
I’m so sorry that I haven’t any advice to give, but I just wanted you to know that I am super happy for you and I know that you will get it figured out.
My sister’s milk took about four good weeks to come in nice and strong and she was frustrated, panicked and scared at the same time. Now, my niece feeds like a champ (she’s seven months old now).
I know it’s hard to be patient and hopeful in a time when you probably feel like everything is a blur, but again, I know you can stick it out and be successful at breastfeeding.
One of the biggest pieces of advice that I’ve cherished so far (both solicited and unsolicited) is to ask for and accept help. If the nurse wants to come back and help with the transition, by all means, let her.
You will be a success!!!!!
April
Congratulations on your beautiful babies! I haven’t commented before (not a blogger and I feel like a dork when I comment), but I have been following your story and I am so happy for you! I had twin boys in June from FET #3 (3fresh bfn) and can answer some of your questions just from what I went through after the boys were born.
Breastfeeding twins: It didn’t work for me either and I was a wreck about it for months– really super depressed that there was something else I couldn’t give my babies that I should be able to (they were born at 34w b/c of pre-eclampsia and spent 2 weeks in NICU– not really that bad looking back but at the time I was really guilty about it). Honestly, I finally realized that feeding two babies at once is enough of a struggle without putting that kind of pressure on myself. I talked to several doctors and they actually suggested I not pump at night so I could get the most sleep I could to mitigate the PPD that I had– and this is part of the reason that my milk supply never fully came in. Also, taking care of two babies during the day doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for pumping, and I was not emotionally/psychologically/physically up to the challenge. When I finally gave up pumping (a little over a month after they were born), I was able to relax and enjoy them more and some of the depression left. If you still want to pump/bf it is possible and there are plenty of support org’s out there to help you with this, but if it doesn’t work for you please don’t feel guilty or bad. My DH did a lot of research on which formula has the most amount of DHA/ARA and we put them on that formula and they have been thriving (a common formula that you are probably already using).
Jackson’s feeding issues: My son Archer was the exact same way with his bottle– using his tongue to push it out and refusing to suck after the first ounce. I don’t know what kind of bottle you are using but I found that for Archer the plain, comfort-flo evenflo silicon nipples worked best. He liked those nipples– and they are a little harder so it was easier to keep his tongue out of the way (yes, I agree the tongue issue is soooo frustrating). He also transitioned very quickly from a #1 to a #2 nipple– with the faster flow he didn’t have to work as hard and it was easier to get more food in his belly in less time. I think he got bored very quickly if he wasn’t hungry and didn’t want to work for the food. I also didn’t stop to burp him until he stopped sucking completely– letting him down the whole bottle if he could and then burping him. The thing that worked the best was keeping him on a very strict schedule so that he was sure to be hungry when it was feeding time. I didn’t feed him extra between feedings (every three hours in the beginning) even if he only ate 1 oz at the previous feeding, because he wouldn’t be hungry enough to eat his bottle at the next feeding. It was hard in the beginning b/c he would cry (I held him/rocked him & gave him a pacifier to soothe him), but after a day or so this did the trick.
Feeding both babies at once– Once in a while I would feed them at the same time, sitting on the couch or on the floor and propping them up on pillows; but this was really difficult and sometimes they would spit up b/c I hadn’t burped one in time. I feed them one at a time because I can give them individual attention then, and it is all I can handle. I feed whoever is hungriest first, and then feed the second baby– sometimes the other baby will start to cry, and this is hard. I use pacifiers but sometimes one baby will just have to cry for a few minutes until I am done with the other baby. Some people prefer to feed both at once and use boppies or bouncers to prop the babies and feed them. I know you will find the solution that works best for you.
I am so glad you have help! Really that is the best thing right now. My DH couldn’t take even a week off– my mom and then my sister came for two weeks and then I was on my own. My neighbor pitched in the most and I would have crumpled into a heap without her there. This time with twins is the most difficult (at least it was for me)- with the hormones and recovery and the two newborns. I basically cried for two weeks straight. It is hard not to feel guilty about feeling bad when we have gone through so much to have these precious babies, but that is what happens and it is normal. Cry when you feel like it and accept all the help you are offered, sleep as much as you can and don’t feel guilty about feeling overwhelmed. In a month or two you will feel so much better and will have figured out the routines that work best for you and your family. Feel free to email me if you want to talk– just put “from Watson” in the subject line. Congratulations again!
I found the best way for me to feed my babies while I was on my own was to put them on boppys on my bed and feed them that way. As they get older, they know sit in their bouncy seats if I’m on my own…though now Ella is desperately trying to get out of it, so I’m not sure if it will work much longer. I also started pumping while I was feeding my babies so I could pumping in to help with my milk supply and the babies would feed from a bottle (which I liked better b/c then I knew how much food they were getting).
I don’t know how my husband did it, but when he went back to work, he still helped out in the middle of the night because I still needed to pump too to keep the supply up. I’ll have to ask him how he got through it – though I’d imagine he’d say I don’t know. He went back to work when the twins were 2 weeks.
I was completely on my own (except for Wednesdays) after the twins were 6 weeks. If people offer to help, take the offer. If people offer to bring by food or help, I found after I didn’t have any help anymore was when I needed it the most, not when my husband was there. I also got out and took a lot of walks with other twin moms or singleton moms. This would help me keep any depressing lots away and share with others who were going through the same thing at the same time.
I definitely had my scream out moments when I didn’t think I could handle it on my own. I had so much anxiety for when the time came when I would be on my own. Somehow I made it through each day – I think getting out each day was key for me…though I don’t think I did much until about 8 weeks post c-section birth.
I’m trying to think if there is anything else I can share. If I think of anything, I’ll let you know. Feel free to e-mail me if you have any specific questions.
OH, and that book BeBop gave you sounds wonderful – what a great gift!
Oh, hon – you will survive! And then the real fun begins – the babies actually get personalities! They are more content and you can put them down and go take a shower…
The thing about the man having to go to work and not being able to help in the night is baloney. You have to work too – at home. So he needs to get up in the middle of the night and help too. Tell him to go to bed earlier if needed! It’s hard for everyone in the family – sorry, but there it is.
You have so much FUN ahead of you! You just have to get through these first few months. And do what you need to to survive – if that means you stop pumping, then do it, and don’t regret it. No one else should judge you for that, including yourself.
Keep up the good work of being an excellent new mom!
/delurking
My suggestion (as a former nurse) for feeding Jackson is to try a tiny french catheter, see if you can yoink one from the NICU. Call ’em and check it out. Then, fill a syringe (also liberated from your NICU) with formula, attach it to the end, and put the other one on your finger (clean your finger first, of course). Then Jackson can take your finger and eat from that. It might help.
Good luck, my virtual friend. Having two teeny babies is tough work. Take all the help you can get, and don’t get too down on yourself. You’re doing an amazing job. Don’t forget that.
Congrats on the babies!!
Of course, I only had one, but it’s still overwhelming in the beginning, no matter how you spin it and I was SO HAPPY that CA had state paid paternity leave, it was such a godsend to have both of us home for the first 7 weeks. I couldn’t have done it alone.
I wish I knew what to say about the whole feeding thing. Have you tried the adiri nurser? It’s very similar to the breast and bpa free to boot.
The only other advice I can give you is just to give yourself a HUGE break and realize that you’re going to get frustrated and upset and overwhelmed and all of it is totally OK. You’ve just gone through one of the biggest life changes you’ll ever go through, and that totally warrants you some freak out time. Actually, a lot of freak out time. If you can manage it, and if you want to, take a couple of hours for yourself and get out of the house to breathe. Or just take some time for you every day to brush your teeth and take a shower. I had to do that in the beginning. Every single day. It was what made me feel like a normal person. We all have our own things that have to be a constant and routine, because you won’t be seeing one for a little while with the babies.
The fact that you’re worried and freaking means you’re a normal person, who’s doing a great job.
Good luck.
I have absolutely no baby assvice.
BUT wanted to let you know that I KNOW you can do this. I have every piece of faith in your ability to deal.
xoxo, Ms P
Sounds like you are doing great. electriclady is my guru on all pumping issues, but see my blog if you want to see that someone else is currently struggling.
Re jackson, sounds like you might wnt to try some different nipples to find one that works, but you’ve already had that advice. if in doubt, maybe try a haberman feeder (medela makes one) which are used for children with cleft palate etc. and are pretty much guaranteed to get the milk in.
hang in there!
Glad you’re getting help and hope things improve soon.
Glad you have help and are enjoying these frazzled hectic crazy twin raising days! Those babies sound like champs all around! Yay Watson twins!
The good thing about blogging is that no one can see that you are unkempt 😉
Oy, breastfeeding. Pumping. Low supply. So BTDT.
Whatever you end up doing, know that it’ll be fine for your kids. Baby L’s been on mostly formula since day one, and while I’m still ridiculously pumping and literally getting just drops at a time months later (time waster, much?), he’s clearly thriving, healthy, and bonding with his Mama just fine. And so will your kids.
And ditto what SaraS-P says: no one knows you’re unkempt. This too shall pass.
That book from Bebop sounds awesome.
Looking forward to updates when you can post.
I don’t have any stellar baby advice for you, and in actuality I suspect I’ll be checking yours for advice when my little Butterbean is born in a few months.
All I can say is this: it WILL get easier ~ no matter if you feel you are doing things wrong or not – chances are that you are actually doing them right ~ trust that you know what is best ~ and love is the best medicine.
I too take care of my babies all day by myself. Feeding time is handled thus:
I sit with my back against the arm of the couch and my legs straight out on the couch cushions. The babies are draped across my lap, with bibs and burp clothes across them. Their heads rest against the back of the couch (so it’s soft) and they lay limp and just gulp down breakfast and lunch. For burping, I place them one at a time against my chest, raise my knees up to support against their backs, and use both arms to burp them. It’s easier than the boppy, which I used to use but found they flopped around too much on.
Our boy did the very same thing Jackson did – we found going up a nipple size was the ticket. The newborn nipple was what we used for our daughter, and the 1 month+ nipple was what the boy used. He no longer dicks aroudn drinking. Sometimes if they start acting up while drinking (making a mess, getting their tongue in the way) we’ve found that taking the bottle away from them for a second helps. As soon as they realize the milk is gone and start shouting, we give them back the bottle and they tend to behave.
I have more tricks if you want. Contact me anytime. I manage my twins on my own, too, and I know where you are. It feels manic on some days, and it will until you get a routine down that works for you.
My friend had twins and was lucky enough to breastfeed but I was there and saw how hard it was so don’t beat yourself up. But while you’re using bottles, I think her method could work for you too. She’d sit herself on the couch, place all sorts of pillows and this weird horseshoe-shaped pillow (they sell on baby stores online) around her, and then have her husband place the babies one on each side of her – feet to the couch, angled in so heads together right in front. If she was alone, she’d plop them at either end of the couch, do the same setup, then move one at a time onto the pillows. It allowed her to do them both at the same time so she had a few minutes to herself when they weren’t screaming, crying, feeding, or pooping. Good luck:-)
Watson,
I am so filled with joy for you and BeBop. I am sure the little people in your house are ruling everything.
I don’t have any baby advice, except to say do what is best for all of you. If that means no more pumping and breastfeeding, so be it. You are doing a great job and don’t be so hard on yourself.
xo.
Sounds like you have your hands full! I don’t have twins, but we have Ava who is 7 mo and the new baby, so I feel you on the being afraid of the hubby going back to work!! Mine is pretty flexible and promises to take Ava to work with him once in a while, but DUDE.
As for the feeding, don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m sure you’ve tried the tricks for the bottle like rubbing his chin or cheek or ear or tapping his feet to get him to pay attention to suck… But it’ll get better! And I’m with some of the others…don’t give up on the pumping just yet if YOU don’t want to…it might bet a lot better!!
Glad you posted. Good to hear from you. Keep up the good work, it sounds like you’re doing fine! 🙂
It sounds to me like you are doing a fantastic job with impossible tasks!! 🙂
I am SO happy for you and hope that you get the milk thing figured out so you can stop panicking!
XOXO
First, let me just say that your babes are so adorable it hurts. Congratulations to you and BeBop. And BeBop is definitely a keeper–what a lovely thoughtful gift.
In terms of assvice, I can pipe in on the low milk supply issue. I have had this problem from day one with Baby#2. If you haven’t already, talk to a good lactation consultant. It is SO worth the money.
Even if you feel like there is not a drop of milk in you, still try to get the babies on the breast. It is good for your production, and it is good for the babies to remember how to do it.
Pumping, of course, is the best remedy. If possible, you should pump every time the kids get their bottles. Of course, I realize that it is pretty unrealistic (at least it is for me–and I can’t even imagine how hard it is with two). But I try to pump after nursing at least once a day. I have heard a hospital-grade pump is better than any other pump you can buy–but I haven’t tried that.
Things that have helped me:
1. More Milk Special Blend from motherlove Tastes awful, but that shit really works, better than any other herbal supplement I’ve tried–and I have tried many. Fenugreek alone did NOTHING for me.
2. Herbal teas that are made for lactating women (Yogi and Traditional Medicinals make them). You have to drink 5-6 cups a day to make a difference.
3. Drinking LOTS and LOTS of water.
4. Eating oatmeal every morning.
I also got a prescription for Reglan from my OB, but I have not tried it yet. I am letting “More Milk” do its job, and it seems to be working.
Lastly, let me just say that if breastfeeding doesn’t work for you, don’t beat yourself up. Yes, it totally sucks that your body can’t do this thing that’s supposed to be so natural (!). It is SO very disappointing. But there is nothing wrong with formula. What your babies need is a happy, relaxed mom (I know, easier said than done)–not a milk factory. They will love your regardless of what they are fed.
I haven’t commented before, but wanted to say congratulations!
Also, I had very low milk supply, too (with a singleton), and I tried pumping for a little while, but gave up completely after about 3 weeks and went to formula 100%. I just couldn’t deal with the long long b-feeding sessions followed by formula feedings followed by pumping…. and then the cycle would start all over again, with seemingly no time off in between. I can’t imagine what it must be like with twins!
I also hear you on the fear-of-husband-going-back-to-work thing. I was terrified at first! But now my son is 6 months old and I’m an old pro (sort of).
All the best, and hang in there!
Congrats on the babies!
Check out the breastfeeding forum on http://www.twinstuff.com – there are experienced twin breastfeeders on there with tons of great of advice.