So, 9w1d today.
How the HELL did that happen?
We had our second ultrasound today with my regular OB. And although I really like him, he’s no Dr. Z.
No calm waiting room with dim lighting and good magazines. No computer set up with Internet connection. No nurses hovering over you — in a good way — asking how you’re feeling. No little packs of M&Ms with Dr. Z’s Chinese character symbol logo on the label. (And for the record, after paying more than $20,000 I just about ate my entire weight in M&Ms each time I was there, just trying to recoup some of the medical costs.)
Sigh.
After waiting for almost an hour and-a-half (during which time I literally almost had a nervous breakdown. And I am not exaggerating, as I’ve been known to do…I get so freaking nervous just before the scans.) the doctor finally came in, we exchanged a few pleasantries and then WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA’AM in went the wand.
"There’s one…" he said.
Time came to a screeching halt.
My pulse raced, but most of my other bodily functions stopped except for the hideously-excruciating gas pains I could feel making the trek from stomach to lower intestines (thanks flax seeds, and great timing!) which threatened to create a verrry embarrassing situation for all involved.
Finally, after what seemed an eternity, "and there’s the second one. Everything looks really good." And out came the wand, and that was that.
Except for his, "I hope we don’t find three!" joke, which? WTF people? Is that standard, twin-related humor in these circles? Do these doctors attend an annual conference of some sort and one of the plenary sessions over soggy eggs and stale toast is a talk about being funny?
Like: Session 1, 8:00 am in the Grand Ballroom: Inducing Humor in the Ultrasound Room.
Or,
Session 4, 3:30 in the Great Oak Room: When Your Pregnant Patients are Constipated, How to Scare the Shit out of Them Using Humor.
A – NNOYING.
Anyhoo, I was SO relieved to see that there are, in fact, still two in there!
I am feeling, overall, pretty good. Extreme fatigue, some nausea and some headaches but nothing too terrible.
What’s actually driving me insane:
BeBop, who reads from a book for expectant fathers (and WHO was the ass hat who bought him such a book? Yes. IT WAS ME.) and will share little tidbits like, "by the fourth month you’ll be experiencing full-on gingivitis. Sore, bleeding gums, the whole nine yards…"
"Would you like me to shove that book NINE YARDS up your ASS??" is usually my angry response and that shuts him up for a day or two.
And also? These GODDAMN pregnancy books! Is there any book out there that won’t scare the living shit out of me each and every time I pick it up?
Actually, that subject deserves a post unto itself, what with the dire warnings (don’t eat honey! Don’t take hot showers! AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WOMAN, don’t take hot showers while sucking on one of those honey-filled plastic bears!!! Your baby will be DOOMED.) and the grim predictions about being pregnant with multiples, not to mention the inane questions that are used to illustrate specific points, such as "I drank one sip of a white white spritzer a month before getting pregnant, COULD THAT KILL MY BABY???"
GAWD.
Can you tell I’m wearing my extra-tight cranky pants today?
Ha Ha, I hate pregnancy books too. And while some are better than others (What to expect is evil!) they are all scary.
I would like to know how doctors made it through high school and several levels of university, without developing the ability to make appropriate small talk or funny jokes!
As always, a post that made me laugh out loud.
I can imagine having a nervous breakdown while waiting for the scan. Yet another form of torture, especially for women who have experienced IF. I think that your doctor designed that waiting room on the cheap. And certainly overbooked his schedule if you had to wait that long!
I can also imagine my intestines revving up during one of those exams. I get all nervous before any kind of vaginal exam since I have IBS. I have never had anything embarrassing happen but it is always the first thing on my mind. I am happy to know that someone has also experienced that panicky feeling. I am a selfish person that wants others to experience my misery, what can I say?
Seriously, I am incredibly glad that everything is going so well so far!!
goddamnit.
i love taking hot showers while sucking on a honey-filled plastic bear.
sorry. i was to distressed about the showers and the honey bear to tell you i’m glad to hear that all is progressing well and that you still have two up in your baby cave!
You are still SO FUNNY. I do not fear for your lack of humour.
Sounds like all is going well, and I’m so glad to hear it!
Very funny – needed a laugh today and you’ve provided it! Congratulations and glad to hear that things are a-okay!
I browsed through WTEWYE while pregnant with my son, and I thought it was the most useless book ever. The one I didn’t buy, that really I should have because it was humorous and realistic is one the title of which I can’t remember. I think the cover was white… Aaaah, but that’s practically three years ago now.
Don’t snub the gingivitis though. My dentist said expect one cavity per baby and I definitely had one with my son. Given the twins now, I can only hope he really meant one per pregnancy!
Oh, and what’s with the wandings at 9 weeks? I had a transABDOMINAL ultrasound at just over 9 weeks!
Hmmm…time sure flies when your having…(fun doesn’t sound quite right)….
🙂
Your sense of humor seems good and well intact to me too! Glad they’re both doing well, and that there’s not another in there (he he he).
Glad to hear they are both doing well!!!
I am so jealous that I don’t get m&ms…
I filled my purse with those M&M’s and chocolate squares each time I was there… 🙂 and I agree… no one is ever going to live up to Dr. Z so we need to lower our standards some *sigh
So good to hear that the babies are doing well! It was great talking to you the other day! I’m so glad you called. We MUST stay in touch. I’m looking forward to getting together…
-Faith
I wonder how much money that man spends on M&M’s every year because I totally did the same thing.
Also, I’m not sure where you are, but I have an awesome OB (had, I guess since we’re moving, which, *sigh*, I’m going to miss her so much). She’s in RWC area. Even after we moved south, I still stayed with the practice, since we loved her so much.
Also again (I’m going for the record here on most consecutive comments in a row, but I have an excuse for you know, only reading partially through and then blowing the load early, it’s called a screaming infant), I really loved “Pregnancy Sucks” By Joanna Kimes(I think, that’s the author, I’m really too fucking lazy to google it). It was one of my absolute favorites. I gave my copy to Vanessa.
Those books are quite scary, aren’t they? I threw away all of the scary ones, and held onto the funny ones to pass on.
Glad the scan went well!
MADAM! STEP AWAY FROM THE PREGNANCY BOOKS! Place the books back on the shelf and slowly back away…do not attempt to pick the books up again, leave them where they are. They are full of nonsensical crap and inflammatory scare tactics. DO NOT TOUCH THE BOOKS AGAIN. This has been a pregnancy service announcement by Women Have Done This Since The Dawn of Time, You Can Mos Def Do It Without an Instruction Manual, Fo Shizzle. Thank you.
(Congrats on the fabulous scan, Watson.)
If you want a pregnancy book that won’t scare the beejeezus out of you, try “Belly Laughs” by Jenny McCarthy. I absolutely loved it – and I’m not even pregnant! 🙂 It’s a very frank look at what to expect in a way that isn’t scary at all – no warnings that I remember, just storied. I laughed until I cried – both times I’ve read it!
There’s also “The Girlfriends Guid to Pregnancy” by Vickie Irvine. I liked it too – very interesting and not scary!
I’m sorry your doc was a PITA and scared you too. As if pg women need help being scared?! Stupid docs…
If you want a pregnancy book that won’t scare the beejeezus out of you, try “Belly Laughs” by Jenny McCarthy. I absolutely loved it – and I’m not even pregnant! 🙂 It’s a very frank look at what to expect in a way that isn’t scary at all – no warnings that I remember, just storied. I laughed until I cried – both times I’ve read it!
There’s also “The Girlfriends Guid to Pregnancy” by Vickie Irvine. I liked it too – very interesting and not scary!
I’m sorry your doc was a PITA and scared you too. As if pg women need help being scared?! Stupid docs…
i hear the cranky pants get tighter in the first trimester.
Glad there are still 2. Sorry you have transitioned to a less than stellar doc.
I have a couple pregnancy books, but I’m not getting through them because every time I pick one up I read something terrifying! Congrats to you!
Glad to hear that everything looks good. Now I’m hungry for some chocolate.
yummy, m&m’s. i like’em. how far is your RE from my house? i’m glad the wanding went ok. Glad they’re doing good. (OMG i just referred to your pregnancy as they. that means two).
tell bebop to hush’up or you’ll do something that will burn his nose hairs. that’ll shut ’em up.
Hey Watson,
Soon you’ll have to switch to some extra stretchy maternity cranky pants.
BTW thanks for the Folgrad recommendation. Although, here’s my RE’s face when i asked for it: : ?
seriously, should it concern me that my RE clearly has never heard of such a thing??
Oh honey! Skip all of the multiples books. I swear they were only put on the market to discourage anyone from getting pregnant with multiples! Read a baby care book, ask your OB any questions you have. Ask the rest of us multiple moms what we did, didn’t do etc.
You, and both babies will be fine. Be careful (as in use your seatbelt) and take care of yourself. Rest. Drink. Eat. Blog.
The fears during a twin pregnancy are daunting. But it is all worth it in the end. Trust me. This I know.
Kathy
I am so glad the scan went well. I have to laugh at your humor about the “third one” comment….that is exactly what happened to me. I found out at 9w3d so sounds like you are off the hook. Here’s to a great pregnancy moving forward.
LMAO Watson. I love it. I always always love your posts.
Twins is NOT that risky a pregnancy. I’m sure you’ll be fine. Lots of people have been pregnant with twins and been just peachy keen.
Glad things are looking good!
i would LOVE for my husband to open his father to be book just a smidge. he keeps telling me i shouldn’t eat chocolate. INSANITY!!! here’s my fave pregnancy book:
http://www.amazon.com/Pregnancy-Countdown-Book-Practical-Uncensored/dp/1594740879
small, funny, not scary, but still gives you something to read when you get the urge…
Ok, my bags are packed and I am moving in with you and BeBop. Dr. Z has chocolate!! All I have gotten from my RE’s office is PIO and sharps containers!
Wow, Dr. Z has chocolate in his office and cool lighting?! Im jealous–sounds divine!
So glad its all going well! So happy for you=)
Yep, pregnancy books pretty much suck and seem to highlight every damn risk to terrify the sh*t out of you. That’s good if you’re constipated but not a neurotic infertile who is just recently medically knocked up!
Congrats on the great ultrasound! (Waiting for the next one is going to be b*tch. Just giving you a heads up – as if you didn’t already know!)
I had to get a new pair of cranky pants with an elastic waistband. Silly me for thinking that I wouldn’t need them during pregnancy.
I’m so glad that your little ones are both doing well, but sorry about your doc’s deplorable cooter-side manner.
I tried to take pregnancy books with a grain of salt. I was interested to know what was going on but they do scare you. My mom being a nurse helped. She would always say the right thing to make me feel better.
First of all, glad to hear that the little ones are doing well.
And secondly, the pregnancy books…well, I pretty much stopped reading them after a few weeks. Some scared the crap out of me and there was one that talks about how to tell your spouse, mother etc that you are pregnant. Hello!!! Not everyone gets pregnant doing the deed..therefore no need to get a special card for hubby..needless to say those books just pissed me off!
I have this one: http://www.amazon.com/Im-Pregnant-Week-Week-Conception/dp/075660950X/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-1581366-4100708?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1178897648&sr=8-1
I think it’s pretty good. Not too scary – almost all the complications are in a separate section in the back so you don’t have to look at them if you don’t want to (I don’t).
My doctors didn’t say anything about honey or hot showers and neither did my mom (a lamaze teacher) or my sister (who knows everything about everything) What I was told is that hot baths can be a problem, b/c you generally stay in for a while and therefore you can raise your core body temp. Also saunas and jacuzzis aren’t a great idea.
What I can tell you about twins is that I know a few women who carried twins to term. They said that they were VERY CAREFUL to eat at least 100 grams of protein per day.
So get out the barbecue and get to work!
I have the Pregnancy Bible by Eddleman and Stone. We really like it and there is nothing scary in it. We like to read it every week to see what the baby is up to…