Last weekend BeBop and I went hiking. On our way back down the mountain (and by ‘mountain’ I mean ‘hill’ but ‘mountain’ sounds much cooler, like we’re all fit and shit!) we rounded a corner and heard a distinctive buzzing noise.
As we came around the bend, we saw a ginormous bee hive/wasp condo type of contraption in a tree. There were so many stinger-equipped flying menaces, the sound was deafening. And quite scary.
We walked slowly past the hive, so as not to disturb the little buggers.
"What would you do," I asked, "if something set them off and a HUGE swarm of bees/hornets/wasps starting attacking us?"
"I would immediately throw you to the ground, cover you with my body and protect you from getting stung," said BeBop.
"Hmmmm…that doesn’t sound like you at all."
"Okay, really I would pour this packet of sugar I carry in my wallet all over you and run like a mother fucker."
"Now THAT sounds like you."
* * *
BeBop started his contract job at Company B this week. And thanks to my teen idol, Zee, I cannot get the line: the boogie woogie bugle boy of company B out of my freaking head!! Also? The urge to do my famous Andrews Sisters impression, but that’s a story for another post.
Anyhoo, B LOVES LOVES LOVES the job. I mean, he wants to MARRY this job. And have babies with it. And? It’s probably not fertilely-challenged like some of us around here, so I’m a little worried. I bet this job doesn’t have a short luteal phase or ovulate late in its cycle. I suspect that it might even have plentiful EWCM. Bastard!
But to inject a smidge of seriousness here, he really loves it. It’s still a bit nerve-wracking considering he’s only guaranteed the position for another few weeks, but he’s so happy he literally had tears in his eyes when telling me about his first few days there.
Wish us both luck that something materializes from this, or I will be forced to draw and quarter him (how does one do that, by the way?) and sell his comic book collection on eBay just have to continue being the gracious, supportive wife I’ve been these last few years, all the while with a smile on my face.
* * *
I asked my Mother for an update on Mack!
"Is he still in the slammer?" I asked her the other day. "Oh yes, his sentence is for a very long time, but he’s still predicting earthquakes."
"And did he predict the quake we just had a couple of weeks ago?"
"Hmmmmmmm…you know, I’m not sure. He did call us a few weeks ago and say that there could be an earthquake sometime in some place, so maybe…YES. Yes, he did! He’s pretty good!"
[crickets]
"You know," she continued, "we really should try to help him."
"HELP HIM?!? He’s in JAIL for crissakes! What are you talking about?" I shrieked, fearing that she’ll try to sell my little sister into white slavery to pay for a new lawyer, because his court-appointed defense attorney was supposedly corrupt.
"Are we talking about, like, a nail file in a cake helping? Or making him a shiv out of a Pepsi can and some duct tape helping? Or perhaps smooshing your boobies against the plexiglass in the visitor’s room one day helping?"
"Oh God no," she reassures me, in all seriousness. "I just mean maybe trying to help him hire a legal team at some point and getting a new trial."
"Oh, just that," I say casually and race to get off the phone and text my sister to warn her she better not accept that offer from my Mother to take an all-expenses-paid trip to Bangkok any time soon.
* * *
And, finally, people: let’s send some blogosphere love over to Meri-Ann and to Meg who have some wonderful and very happy news to share.
Hearing their news makes me want to break into a rousing rendition of Roll Out The Barrel and get my Polka on because that? THAT is something to celebrate.
And I’m telling you, with enough rum and diet coke my Andrews Sisters impression KILLS.
Job satisfaction and continued maternal psychopathology. Sounds like life is good.
Oh my…your mother! She sounds like a hoot. One that you probably want to kill and hide quietly away.
Glad Bebop likes his new job – and loves ya enough to tell the truth about saving you from the bees!
I would pay good money to see that rendition!
So glad BeBop is enjoying his job. And your Mum totally cracks me up….. too funny….
Is thatrum and diet coke for you or us? 🙂
Your mother sounds sounds like a gullible, but endearing, bit of a nut (which is a good this, by the way). It’s so great to hear that BeBop is so happy in his job. I owuld give anything for that right now.
Thanks Watson. :)x
I am so pleased that Be Bop is into the job… Tears in his eyes you say?? Wow, that is impressive!!
That is fantastic that Be Bop loves his job!! That doesn’t happen very often. And your mom…would love be a fly on the wall on your next family gathering!
That BeBop is very funny! Glad he loves his new gig.
Glad to hear your hubby is loving his new job! That rocks! Hope that things continue to go well and that they find him a permanent job there soon!! 🙂